Everthing, everywhere...

We are all made of stars, we are all made of God. We are all made of everything, from everywhere that ever was. From the Big Bang, to the edge of time; from the starting point to the finish line. What is made of you, is made of me; and we're all made of God, and that makes us free.

Another, in response...

To my mind, the Bible is a compilation of works, written by men, but inspired by God. The OT, particularly the Torah, is a mythological account of the origins of the Jewish peoples. It is their creation story, the origin of their people, their understanding of the world that they live in and the God that they serve. The rest of the OT is a history of their people. And like all histories, it is written from a cultural perspective. It is important to differentiate between the OT being a history of the Jewish people, and a history of the world.

The NT of course being a collection of stories (the Gospels), letters, and tractates, written by several and diverse authors over a period of time (about 200 years), relating to the life of Yeshuah (Jesus)*, and the establishing and running of churches in his name throughout the region. Again, these stories and letters are written from a cultural perspective.

If you are arguing for the infallibility of the Bible from a historical viewpoint, then that is not an argument that you can win with me. (You only need examine the four Gospels to disprove historical infallibility) What is FAR more important is what the Bible, the teachings of Jesus in particular, can teach us about living, here on earth, and at a spiritual/eternal level.

It doesn't matter if the Bible is historically accurate. It doesn't matter if it was breathed out by God himself though the human authors, and on to the paper. What matters is the spiritual truths that are contained inside. Some of them plain, and some of them obscure. All of them relevant, and all of them eternal.

*Ye(ho)shua would have been the Hebrew-Aramaic name given by Mary and Joseph to the child who is now known by the Anglo-Latin name of Jesus. We come by the English name Jesus by way of the Latin "Ihsus", by way of the Greek "Ἰησοῦς" (Iēsous).

GOoDness...

"Realize how good you really are."

If GOD is GOoD, and we are created in GODs image, then we must be GOoD.

Someday's we don't feel so good. Someday's I'll bet we even wonder if God is as good as everyone makes him out to be. Those are the days when it is hardest, but most important to trust that God is GOoD, and that YOU are GOoD.

Mother Teresa of Calcutta said, (and I paraphrase): "If I am hungry, give me someone to feed. If I am sad, give someone to comfort. If I am naked, give me someone to clothe..."

It is in our times of tribulation, especially spiritual tribulation, that we are faced with a choice. The choice of succumbing to our troubles, or of mustering the strength to find the GOoDness within us. Finding GOD's GOoDness within us. Finding GOD's Image within us.

Take a moment today, to realize the GOoD within you.

Two New Doctors of the Church

"Today, October 7, is the day Hildegard of Bingen is declared a Doctor of the Catholic Church. She is only the fourth woman to receive this honor (all four are mystics; the other three are Teresa of Avila, Catherine of Siena and Thérèse of Lisieux).

"Joining Hildegard in being declared a Doctor today is John of Avila, a contemporary of Teresa and also a mystic. Hildegard and John bring the total number of Doctors of the Church to 35, joining such theological and mystical luminaries as Augustine of Hippo, Thomas Aquinas, Bernard of Clairvaux, Francis de Sales, Ephrem the Syrian, and John of the Cross." ~from anamchara.com

 

 

Storms...

Sometimes the thunderstorms just build up in my head. They roll and boil, then go flat and silently grey. When the calm comes, I start to come back out of myself, but then a sudden gust of wind and a crash of lightning later, and I am nothing but a sick and broken man in a sea of casualties.
Just one night, I would like to get through an evening without something knocking me off my keel. Just one night, I would like to get through an evening without bitching my kids out for something. Sometimes something they have done. Sometimes because they were in the wrong place at the wrong time. Rarely deserving of the malevolence that issues forth from my festering pie hole. Sometimes I wonder if I need to be back on some sort of medication. I hate my temper. I hate that the littlest, stupidest thing can set it off. I hate that once it is loose, I cannot seem to reign it back in until it has run it's course. (Thank you DF for teaching me the power of rambling, vehement, 30 minute lectures) This is my thing that I would like to give up to God. I cannot do it alone. I cannot be in charge of it any more. I don't want it any more!
I am going to go take some tylenol now, and go to bed.

On Yeshua being married:

Recently the hoopla in the news has been of the fragment of parchment from a codex that has been dubbed "The Gospel of Jesus' Wife." No conclusions as to it's authenticity, meaning, or even it's implications have been drawn. The Church denies the possibility of Yeshua (Jesus) having been married, or even having been a sexual being in any context. Some connection to "original sin" and the sex act being sinful by its very nature. (I will address "original sin" in another post)
My question is; "So what if he was." How does that change anything? If anything, it seems to me that Yeshua's being married makes far more sense than his not. As a Jew at the time, it would have been expected of him to have taken a wife by the age of thirty. Did he not say that he was the 'fulfillment of the Law," and that "not one iota of the Law would be changed"? Secondly, if he came down here as a human, to partake of the whole human experience, would it not stand to reason that marriage (which is one of the Sacraments) would be part of that experience?
Yeshua's being married makes him that much more human, and therefore makes his sacrifice on our behalf that much more meaningful and powerful. This idea that Jesus was as pure as the driven snow puts him above/against the humanity which he came to be a part of, so that humanity could come and be a part of Him.

Spiritual Cosmonaut

The Holy Scriptures are like the sky or the ocean. You look out and you see the truth of them. They are vast, and eternal, and on the surface they are plain in their meaning. If you are a sailor or a pilot of this world, they tell you all you need to know, in their movements and motions. But then there are cosmonauts. Those who would delve headlong into the depths, beyond the waves, and beyond the clouds.

Conservatives, Liberals, Contemplatives, oh my...

Conservatives: Bible teaches moral absolutes. Liberals: Bible proclaims social justice. Contemplatives: Bible calls us to transfiguration. ~Carl McColman

An old man's dream...

I dreamt an old man lay on his death bed. He knew his time was near, and he was afraid. He wished to repent of the evil things he had done in his life. He prayed to God for Forgiveness. He prayed to God for Mercy. He prayed to God and he feared. And God replied;  "It cannot be by Fear that you come to Me. Not fear of death, nor fear of Hell. You can only come to me through Love. Love of Me, love of Life, love of All. When you know Love, you will know Me." And the old man slept.

"Don't let the idea of reincarnation be an excuse to get lazy and not strive to get it right this time. You don't know what the future holds in store. You don't know what world you may return to." +Arin

Consider that you are already wise:

Your wisdom is not complete or flawless, but it does exist in the depths of you. It exists because God has designed the universe in such a way that, if we pay any attention at all, we will learn. As we solve problems, survive grief, create something new, or help others heal, wisdom develops and grows in our hearts and minds.

http://deepeningfriendship.loyolapress.com/2012/09/21/consider-that-you-are-already-wise/

New Gospel Fragment Found... Was Jesus Married?

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/09/18/the-gospel-of-jesus-wife-_n_1891325.html?utm_hp_ref=mostpopular

Rediscovering Christianity

A short talk from Rev. Theodore Nottingham about returning to true Christianity. To Christianity as  Wisdom teachings. To Christianity as an Intuitive process. Before the fragmentation and division that has created so much ignorance and intolerance. A return to Christianity as a Mystical Tradition.

I do not support "Special Rights"

I do not support Gay Rights. I do not support Woman's Rights. I do not support Minority Rights. I support Human Rights. I believe that every person, (who is not a convicted criminal, a Prisoner of War, or has otherwise legitimately had their rights limited or revoked) should have equal access to all of the rights granted to the populace by the constitution of the land in which they reside.

Given up on God

A lot of people have given up on God. They have given up on God because they expect God to be manifest in the exterior, physical world. What with all of the hate, and all of the hurt in the world, who can blame them for giving up? But the outer world is not God's immediate concern. God's immediate concern is the inner world. "The Kingdom of God is within you," is not just some cliche corporate line. We are God's creation. We are created in the likeness of God. That is to say, as spiritual beings, we are as/of God. Until we truly, and by "we" I mean ALL of us, and by "truly" I really mean TRULY, all of the way down to the core of our being... figure that out, the world will remain full of hate and hurt. You see, it is really up to us. Not God. Some of you may have given up on God, but God has not given up on you. And neither have I.

A Prayer of Holy Communion

Oh Lord, thank you for this gift of Holy Communion.
By Your Grace, our bodies and souls become one.
You came into this world, became human, lived as a human, died as a human, and were resurrected again as God, so that we humans, your beloved creations, may come into You, live in You, die in You, and become resurrected in You.
In Your Holy Name, by our Lord Christ Jesus.

+AMEN+

+Message+

+I feel your petty hatreds grinding against my soul like hot sand. They claw at my face and they tear at my heart.
You say you love everyone, but your words are tainted with hatred toward the one thing that loves you beyond all measure.+

Chronological New Testament

A chronological New Testament is not only about sequence, but also about chronological context -- the context-in-time, the historical context in which each document was written. Words have their meaning within their temporal contexts, in the New Testament and the Bible as a whole.

Seeing and reading the New Testament in chronological sequence matters for historical reasons. It illuminates Christian origins. Much becomes apparent:

Chronological New Testament

Denial

"It is equally as dangerous to deny the supernatural, as it is to immediately jump to it as an explanation."

From a conversation with Celeste regarding the necessity/reality of exorcism in the modern world. 

The Practice of Spiritual Awakening

Another presentation from Ted Nottingham.

It's simple really...

"The theology of Christian mysticism is simple. God is love. You are created in the image and likeness of God. Therefore, be love. Got it?" ~Carl McColman

Praying for Satan

"But who prays for Satan? Who in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most, our one fellow and brother who most needed a friend yet had not a single one, the one sinner among us all who had the highest and clearest right to every Christian's daily and nightly prayers, for the plain and unassailable reason that his was the first and greatest need, he being among sinners the supremest?"  -Mark Twain

I think it is an excellent and thought provoking point. But before we (being I in the Royal Plural) jump headlong into the fray, let us clarify a few points:
  1. Satan is not an entity. It is a title. More correctly, it is ha-Satan, or "opposer, accuser, or adversary" in Hebrew. You will find in the Scriptures that this is on office in the celestial hierarchy (Divine Council) (See Job 1).
  2. The fallen angel that see seem to be referring to here is commonly known as Satan, the Devil, or Lucifer. None of these are quite correct. As previously mentioned, Satan, or ha-Satan is an office of state. The word Devil comes from the Greek "diabolos, which means "slanderer" or "accuser." Lucifer is 4th century Vulgate Latin for "shining one" or "morning star." It has a long and rather complicated etymology, but ultimately stems from a reference made in the scriptures of Judaic Enochian mythology. The bottom line here is that neither Judaic not Christian Scripture actually NAME the First of the Fallen, so we are forced to rely on the extrapolative interpretation of pre-Christian and early Christian writers. For the Sake of argument though, we will call our antagonist, Satan, as it fits in with our original missive.

So what we have here is an Angel. An Archangel. Perhaps God's first and most powerful angel. An Archangel who strays from its purpose and aspires to power. Aspires to the Throne of God. War breaks out in Heaven, and ultimately Satan and His followers (1/3rd of the Angelic Host) are defeated and cast out of Heaven, and into the outer darkness. Into the Chaos. Later, we will call this Gehenna, then even later, Hell. So, if you properly understand your scriptures, then you will understand that Hell is not a place, but a state of being. The state of being in separation from God. So here we have Satan, cast out of Heaven, and therefore separated from God, therefore in...Hell. And I rather suspect that he is pissed. And being an angel, an immortal creation, time and space have no real significance to him, so he will stay pissed for a very long time. So who is he going to take it out on? Us humans. God's most loved creation. Raised in status above all of the Angels of Heaven. He is going to continue to fulfill his role as "The Adversary", only now he is going to do it on his own terms. (This metaphore is best saved for another discussion).

So, before I get too far afield... Should we pray for Satan? Would we be praying for the redemption of what we believe to be an entity, the ultimate embodiment of evil, here on Earth to corrupt the hearts and souls of man? Or would we be praying for a Fallen Angel, a lost sheep, one who is blinded by his misguided anger, so that he might once again see the light and the love of God, and want to go home? Or would we be praying for an idea? The idea of the redemption of everything on Earth that stands between the Human Spirit and the perfect reunification with God?  Can you forgive Satan enough to pray for him?  I don't know if praying for Satan can help. But I do know that it cannot hurt. I know that I will.

Thoughts from the Firefly

Book: What are we up to, sweetheart?
River: Fixing your Bible.
Book: I, um... [alarmed] What?
River: Bible's broken. Contradictions, false logistics - doesn't make sense.
[she's marked up the bible, crossed out passages and torn out pages]
Book: No, no. You-you-you can't...
River: So we'll integrate non-progressional evolution theory with God's creation of Eden. Eleven inherent metaphoric parallels already there. Eleven. Important number. Prime number. One goes into the house of eleven eleven times, but always comes out one... Noah's ark is a problem.

Book: Really?
River: We'll have to call it early quantum state phenomenon. Only way to fit 5000 species of mammal on the same boat.
[rips out page]

Book: Give me that back.

[snatches back remains of bible from River]
Book: River, you don't fix the Bible.
River: It's broken. It doesn't make sense.
Book: It's not about making sense. It's about believing in something, and letting that belief be real enough to change your life. It's about faith. You don't fix faith, River. It fixes you.

Mother Teresa?

So I was on my lunch break earlier this week, sequestered away in one of the unused offices, meditating on the Jesus Prayer. I had managed to clear my mind, turn off the internal TV and radio, and just focus on the words. Then suddenly, Mother Teresa of Calcutta, white and blue striped robe and all, popped up out of the darkness which had taken on the form or a crowd, and kissed me on the cheek. Needles to say, my session was over, but I am still going "Huh?"

Already there...

You show me a Christian who says "When you die, you will burn in Hell." and I will show you a Christian who is already there and just doesn't know it yet.

Sometimes I think...

Sometimes I think I would like to just let go. Let go of all my worldly cynicism, all of my concrete anchors, all of my grounds in what I think is reality, all of my concerns over how others will think of me, of how I think of myself. Sometimes I think I would like to just let go and experience God.  Delusional I say? Sometimes I think it would be better to be delusional and happy, bathed in the light of God's love than sane and miserable in this dark world so full or doubt, fear, hate, and absolute death.

Haters gonna Hate

There are a lot of Christians out there who do a very poor job of expressing their religious and spiritual convictions. They use the Bible as a weapon, they cherry pick the scripture to justify their own sociopolitical ends, and above all they forget that Christ said: "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself. All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments."

So to address the point;
  1. If you attack hate with hate, even if it disguised as righteousness, it is still hate, and will separate you from God.
  2. If you are busy loving God with all of your heart, soul, and mind, then you are too busy to be judging others and telling them how to live their lives, or that their way of living is wrong.
  3. You cannot change the world en-mass. You can only change it one person at a time. If you are not willing to invest the time in one person, then you should not be wasting your time and breath on the masses.  
  4. Only when you can accomplish 2. above, can you proceed to "Loving your neighbor as yourself." For once you have known and loved God with all of your heart, soul, and mind, you will know that despite our individual aberrations, we are all God on the inside.
  5. It is possible to disagree with someone without hating them, and it is possible to love someone without agreeing with them. "Judge not, lest you be judged." is the phrase to remember.
I get a lot of scatter fire from my non-Christian friends against Christianity in general, accusing us of intolerance. At the same time, they show their own intolerance by painting with such a broad brush.

Debbie*: If you have made it this far, congratulations. Most people don't follow my ramblings for this long. It is admirable that you "hate having that which is wrong in GOD's eye's being called right, normal, and acceptable." Except for the "hate" part. Hate implies that you have issued judgement against that thing or person. It is not our job to judge or to hate. It is our job to love, pray, and seek to help others. It is our job to lead by shining example of God's Love. It is our job to open ourselves to God, exposing our own inadequacies, so that WE may be healed, and in turn go out and heal others. Recognize the mote in your own eye before pointing out the speck in another's, seek to help those who will listen, and knock the dust off your shoes for those who won't. Everyone comes to God in their own time and in their own way. YOU cannot force it upon them. As for others calling you names for standing up for what you believe in, ask yourself: Are you doing it in such a way that exhibits love, compassion, and forgiveness, or are you doing it in such a way as it puts others on the defensive?

Hater are going to hate, dust off your shoes, say a prayer, and walk away.

*This missive was originally a letter to an individual.

Part of the Solution...

I stand up and apologize to the world for eons of misinterpretation and misappropriation of Holy Scriptures of Judaism and Christianity.
I apologize for and stand against the atrocities that have been, and are being committed in God's Holy name.
I stand against the hate rhetoric of the "Christian Right".
I stand against the literalistic interpretations of the Holy Scripture that have bred a culture of ignorance, fear, and hatred over the ages.

I stand up for Christ Yeshuah of Nazareth, called Jesus, who came as a perfect example of Man and God, to this world to reunite the human spirit with the source of all creation.
I stand up for loving your neighbor as yourself.*
I stand up for prayer, contemplation, and love over anger, rashness, and hate.
I stand up for spreading messages that kindle the hearts and minds of your fellow human beings, rather than denigrating them or their beliefs.
I stand up for leading by example, not by volume, money, power or any other worldly influences.

I have a lot of friends who are of other religious and spiritual paths. I love them all, with no reservation towards their religious practices or spiritual beliefs.** But when they post statements and meme's on social media boards that generalize all of Christianity and all Christians as being ignorant, bigoted, and hateful, I wonder if they realize that they are being just as intolerant as those they are accusing of intolerance. I also wonder if they know or care that they are including me, their "friend", in their accusations.

I have never been one to shove my religion/spirituality down another's throat. I do not post Christian Propaganda on my FaceBook page explaining why God is better than x, y, or z.***
I do not decry others for their "ungodly heathen ways." I pray for my friends and family that they may find peace with God, and serve their time on this planet, and in this universe, in ways that leave it better than they found it.

So before you speak or act, criticize or complement, condone or condemn, etc., ad nauseam; ask yourself: Is what I am going to do or say True? Is it Helpful? Is it Kind?**** Will it result in the betterment of this planet that we all have to share, or will it create even more ill will and divisiveness.



*If you do not love yourself, and are therefor incapable of loving your neighbor, then I suggest that you get off the bus and get that mess sorted out. Because that is a long, lonely, and dreadful way to live. If you need someone to talk to about it, call me.

**I don't have to agree with my friends to love and respect them. In the end, every individual will stand and know if they have been right or if they have been wrong.

*** Say, a colour television set.

**** There is a difference between "nice" and "kind." What you have to say may hurt someone's feelings in the short run (see the other qualifiers), But you don't have to be a dick about it.

PRAYER IN DISCOURAGEMENT

Ignatius Press

PRAYER IN DISCOURAGEMENT

My Jesus, relieve me of my discouragement. My devotion has vanished; spiritual thoughts no longer soothe my troubled soul. Even the remembrances of Your passion and of Your Blessed Mother grow dim before my vision. 

O Jesus, do not forsake me. Help me, help me! I am resolved not to omit a single one of my devotions.

 Hear me, O my God, strengthen and increase my faith. Keep me from yielding to temptation. You said, “My yoke is sweet; my burden is light.” Have mercy on me, for wheresoever I turn I see only obstacles and difficulties. Were my faith strong I would accept my trials; but alas, I feel only impatience, doubt and discouragement. My soul, hold fast to Jesus. How faint-hearted and childish I am! All my comfort, all my joy must come from You. Bring me closer to You when temptations assail me. Help me not to fail. 

O Lord, my God, I cast myself entirely into Your Hands. Worn out by the struggle, I will rest beneath Your cross; pray for me in my desolation of soul. Jesus, be merciful to me. 

Amen.

Saint John Neumann (1811-1860)

Rise Christians Rise

The problem with Christianity is not Christianity in of itself. The problem with Christianity is a proportionally small, but overly vocal segment of its members who have misinterpreted, and misappropriated the scripture, and twist it and turn it to their own socio-political agendas. This has been the problem for 1500 years, and if we don't police ourselves, all we will ever get is bad press, and the public opinion of us as a whole will be negative. I don't know exactly how this should be done, except that if you are a Christian who wants to share true message of Christ with the world, we need to step up rise up and be more visible, more vocal, and more Christian than the hacks who are giving the rest of us a bad name.

Four Compass Points for the Spiritual Life

"Just like our earthly fallings-in-love, falling in love with God is both indescribably sweet and potentially quite disorienting. Here are four orienting points for your journey."

Four Compass Points for the Spiritual Life

ICON: Jesus the Pancreator, c. 11th Century

Christ the Pantocrator, c. 11th Century.  I have lost the reference as to what image this was based on. Coloured pencil and metallic gold paint on Bristol board It is my first attempt at creating an Icon. It is also the first piece of artwork that I have produced in nigh on 20 years. Kind of wish the colours were more true on the screen.

Unorthodox Christianity by Dennis Wheeler

An excerpt from the blog of one Dennis Wheeler. I could not have summed up my feelings on this better myself. Thank you Dennis for your insight.

After years of thought and pondering, I have come to view my faith as one of what I have deemed to call "Unorthodox Christianity". To understand, I need to define the word "Christianity", for I find this moniker to be one much misaligned and misused in the common culture of my present world.

  "Take care not to be deceived, for many will come in my name saying "I am he..."

The prevalence of the name/word "CHRIST" as the religious banner of so many institutions, from the Catholic Church to the Mormon Zionist culture, and the adaption as revelation of the teachings of Jesus as developed into Mohammedism and Neo-Judaism (Talmud), the term Christian is often cloudy in definition.

For the purposes of definition for my own personal belief: Christianity refers to a belief system based on the teachings of Jesus of Nazareth, son of Mary and Joseph, a carpenter's son, purported to be the Christ, the saving spiritual son of God, manifest in the flesh to extend to us the wisdom and  teaching of God, represented by him in his teaching as "father". 

Jesus was the spiritual son of God, manifest in the physical son of Joseph and Mary, utilizing that vessel as the medium through which to teach us the mysteries of our existence that our religions had attempted to define.

From that broad definition, my own definition of Christian: One who believes in, and strives to adhere to the teachings of Jesus of Nazareth, the Christ.

Notice I say: "strives to adhere to" the teachings of Jesus, all of us fall short of the spiritual maturity that Jesus attained. One must always be striving to attain to be a Christian in Jesus' image by this definition.

The basis for any "judgement" of authenticity: striving in adherence to Jesus' most fundamental teaching:

Love One Another.

Separation

Some Angels chose to glorify God.
  Some Angels chose to rebel against God and the creation of Man.
    Those Angels were cast out of God's presence, and now live in eternal separation from God. A place that we call Hell.
      Those fallen Angels (demons) have now devoted themselves to bringing about the damnation of Humanity, Gods precious creation, by keeping it also separated from God, as it is.

All of your pagan pathways and magickal ways are just trips through dreamlands filled with smoke and mirrors, reflecting memories of long dead or deep sleeping gods.

Nothing compares to the simplicity of unification with the source of all being.

So keep your talismans, and your incantations, and your imaginings of speak-wrought powers, and realize that they are all a smaller part of a much grander whole.

Put aside your childhood fancies, and walk on the Path of The Presence.

I am not going to predicate my spiritual belief system on some depressing medieval theological notion of sin, repentance, and salvation. The message of spiritual salvation is in the teachings of Christ Jesus. Most of them are found in the cannon of the Holy Bible. Some of them you have to dig a little for, and open your mind to the possibilities. The message is of Love, and Forgiveness, and of Right Living. It is not one based on Guilt.

Maybe more on this later.

The Conclusion of the Davidic Legacy

In I Samuel, YHWH selects David to be his Messiah (anointed one, King over His people). Once again, mankind proves to be unable to live up to, and fulfill the expectations of God (and therefore receive the benefit of an everlasting Kingdom of Peace in this world). Many centuries later, after the failure and fall of the Davidic Empire, God would raise up another. This time not to save the people of the earth *on* Earth, but to establish a new Kingdom for his people. An everlasting Kingdom for the Soul.

An Unwitting Dignitary

A couple of weeks ago, Celeste had an encounter with a rather unique individual while walking downtown. As she was proceeding north on Chuch Street, a very androgynous character came flitting up beside her. It asked how her Lent was coming along, smiled and went on its way. As Celeste approached Polk Street, the presence appeared again. Celeste made her left on Polk heading to the car, and the individual crossed the road and stopped in front of St. James Episcopal Church. Celeste felt compelled to look back, and the person was gone. Not just gone up the road, or gone into the church, but Celeste was left with the perceptible feeling of "goneness" from the very space where it had been in front of the Church.
The following Sunday, her new acquaintance showed up in our Bible Study class. She (it took is a good long while to determine that it was, or was giving the illusion of being a female) came in with Father Rodger, and took a seat at the head of the table. Fr. Rodger introduced her as a guest from a local Catholic Church, who was expanding her religious and theological horizons. The young girl had a misplaced look about her. Glassy eyed, and a quirky smile that read that she just might not be altogether well located if you take my meaning. She was *very* excited to be at the Episcopal church, apparently having been raised Roman Catholic. She kept here peace through the class, but her very presence seemed to put some people on edge, and you could see the sideways glances, and the quick whispers.
This past Sunday, as we attended the Pipes & Pipes concert at St. James, our friend was there again. Sitting downstairs in the front row. Fidgeting and not quite sure what to do with herself, she exhibited all of the signs of an extremely ADHD individual.
During the intermission, she came upstairs. I turned to her as she entered the door to the balcony seating area, She stopped dead in her tracks, looked back at me and cocked her head to one side. I reciprocated the gesture, and she stood upright and said "Who are you?" I waved her over and dismissed her question, as I felt the far more appropriate question was for me to ask her: "Who are YOU?" We chatted about the show for a moment, and she reiterated her excitement about "becoming an Episcopalian." She queried about the whereabouts of the Pastor, and was very disappointed to discover that we could not tell her where he was. The show began again, and she knelt down at the rail to watch. During one on the longer, slower organ pieces, apparently I drifted off a bit.While I was away, I *dreamed* that Celeste and I (but not Celeste and I, more like our *other* selves) were talking to this young woman. I asked her if this was her first time being sent down. She looked at me blankly, and cocked her head quizzically.  I turned to "Celeste" and said, "She doesn't know, does she?" I awoke with a start at that moment, as the piece came to an end.
A part of me really want to have a serious conversation with this young woman. and another part of me is certain that if I told here what I suspect about her presence here, that she would freak out. Hmm...

On Vigilance

A Translation of Deep Teaching: On Vigilance
Ted Nottingham spontaneously translates an exceptional teaching from Father Alphonse Goettmann on the foundational spiritual theme of "Vigilance". The material is taken from the quarterly journal "Le Chemin" or "The Path" published in French from the Center of Bethanie. This is an Orthodox community in Eastern France led by Father Goettmann and his spouse Rachel. Countless seekers from Europe have gathered there for decades to learn the deepest wisdom of spiritual transformation, coming out of the origins of Christianity and incorporating the universal wisdom teachings of humanity.

http://www.youtube.com/user/tednottingham#p/a/u/0/AXyuauCN7CQ

A New Jerusalem

The New Jerusalem is not a place. It is not a city, or a state, or a country or a people.  It is a consciousness.  It is a universal consciousness.  It is the elevation of our spirits, of our souls.  It is our communion with God.  We create and become the New Jerusalem within ourselves by our realization of God.  Then we help others create the New Jerusalem within themselves.  THAT is the calling of God.  THAT is the Law that Jeremiah prophesied about.

"I think we are dead..."

"I think we are dead, and are already in Hell." a friend of mine's Facebook post read. I really wanted to tell her how close to the truth she actually was.
We sleep. We sleep the sleep that is spiritual death. We sleepwalk, as the walking dead through this Hell that is disconnect from the Holy Spirit. From God. From ourselves as Holy (and wholly) spiritual beings. So yes, in a way we are dead. We are in Hell.
Until we wake up. Until we find that thing that kindles the spark of the Divine in ourselves, until we find it and nurture it into a blazing fire that consumes our entire beingness, we run the risk of that spark becoming an ember, and that ember becoming ash. That is, we have an opportunity to reconnect with God. With the Divine. With the Holy Spirit. With the Source of all that is. The door is there, but we have to open it. We have to walk through it. We have to begin the journey. All of the churches, and wise men of the world cannot do it for us. It MUST begin with OUR realization that there is more to life than this world. Once we have had that realization, once we make that decision, we can begin to wake up from our slumber.

Questioning God

If you want to question God, go ahead, he's listening. But then, sit down, shut up, *be quiet*, and listen to the response. It will come from within as a small voice in the stillness of your soul. Will you listen to it? Will you believe it?

Forgiveness Part II

  The Scripture says to forgive a person seventy-seven times, or, by another translation "seven x seven" times. Seven in Hebrew numerology is a powerful number. It is the number of God's perfection. So to forgive someone "seven x seven" times, is to offer infinite forgiveness. This does not mean be a doormat to the inequities of others. It means to seek to correct their behaviour out of pure love. And if the behaviour cannot be corrected, to dismiss them from your lives. "Cast them into the outer darkness." What that means is, remove them from your place in in the light of goodness, and allow them to dwell in their own separation from goodness, and therefore, God. But once you have let them go, let IT go.
  Sounds easy, right? Try it. It is hard sometimes to let go of our ego. Sometimes we allow the hurt that someone else has caused us to define us (or at least a portion of us.) We tell ourselves that IT is over, that we are over IT, yet occasional IT raises its ugly head, even if only in our innermost thoughts. Sometimes during the quiet times.
  I struggle with this every day. There are some things in my life, and a couple of people that I am having a hard time forgiving. I want to. I want to let IT go, because the suffering it causes me in no way effects the person that I am suffering over. I am doing it all to myself, and it gets in the way of things that I would rather be contemplating.
  An even harder thing than this (and the point of this post) is forgiving yourself for something that you have done. Even when the victim(s) of your actions have forgiven you. A while back, I had an incident where I lost my temper and and hurt someone that I love. We all freaked out, then grieved over it, then talked about it, then, in the end, I was forgiven. Yet, to this day, several years later, the specter of this event rears up out of the mists of my subconscious, and I find myself replaying the incident over and over again, and remorsing over it in my mind. This usually happens in the wee quiet hours of the morning, and it seems to come out of nowhere. Then I pray to God, over and over again, time and time again, to allow *myself* to forgive myself for this. I know that I am forgiven, but I myself have a hard time letting it go.
  So you see, while it is infinitely important to forgive others, it is even more important to be able to forgive yourself. If you cannot forgive yourself, that is tantamount to saying that you don't believe that your loved ones can forgive you, and that God cannot forgive you. That can cause quite a snarl in ones spiritual advancement, don't you think?

Still afraid sometimes...

Have you ever been so excited about something that you wanted to share it with the world, and equally afraid to do so, because of your own preconceptions of how the world (in particular, your friends) might react to you about it?

New Early Christian Discovery

For more thorough research soon:

British archaeologists are seeking to authenticate what could be a landmark discovery in the documentation of early Christianity: a trove of 70 lead codices that appear to date from the 1st century CE, which may include key clues to the last days of Jesus' life..
http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/lookout/could-lead-codices-prove-major-discovery-christian-history-20110330-083631-867.html

In the Beginning...

Here is my reality altering thought of the day:

At the beginning of the Universe, there was a singularity. That singularity became the universe in a nanosecond, and is expanding at an exponential rate, creating its own space at it grows. Every bit of energy that is in the universe right now, has been every bit of energy in the universe since the words “Let There Be light!”

That coffee you are drinking right now? Not real.

It is made up of atoms that were created 14 billion years ago. It is made up of energy from the center and beginning of all time and space. It is made up of God. Everything you see, hear, touch, smell, feel, and think, is, of the Breath of God. It is made of His Being.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
RESPONSE FROM C.:
Just a note-
Not a single Big Bang theorist (and therefore Darwinists) has dared speculate on what caused that Big Bang.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
ANSWER:
That’s because it is an anomaly. The Source Singularity Event cannot be explained by science, or even religion. It is so unfathomable, as to be nearly unworthy of consideration, yet is the most important spiritual truth there is. It is: BE!

Those who ask shall receive

There is forgiveness, love, and joy to be had. All you have to do is want it, and ask for it. By "want it" I do not mean as a way of simply replacing the guilt, anger, and sorrow in your life. You must want it with all of your soul, from the very core of your beingness outward towards the whole of the world.

Immaculate Turmoil

I have been in a serious funk all afternoon. I feel like my soul is clawing to get out and that my heart is exploding to do something, I just don't know what. I feel like I am lost again in that dark wood, having stumbled off the path that leads to a destination unknown. This is in stark contrast to the sense of relative peace and well being that I had been feeling for the last few days. I think I need a few hours of quiet meditation, and try to center myself, get refocused, get reconnected.
I have been practicing the Jesus Prayer (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jesus_Prayer) for the last few days, and it seemed to be helping me focus and be more calm... until today. Part of me feels that (today at least) I have fallen apart, and another part of me feels that I have broken through a barrier of some kind.
Today is the Winter Solstice, which is a time of faith in renewal, and of things to come. Maybe that is what I am feeling. Change. But change to what? Where? How?
I give myself over to You Lord. Let Thy will be done. In the meanwhile, I will continue to chop wood and carry water.

Religion vs. Spirituality

There has been a lot of talk lately about the inviability of Religion. In particular, when compared to Spirituality. I have watched it escalate in the last few days from mildly irreverent, yet still amusing anecdotes, to highly offensive (and for me, that takes a lot) motifs.
I agree that now, as even in early times, religions get corrupted. Jesus railed against the corruption of the Pharisees and the Sadducees of the Temple; the atrocities that have been propagated by and within the Catholic Church over the centuries; Westborough Baptist Church... (need I say more?)...
But, the religious establishment and its sacraments has it's place in our world. Let me explain... no, that would take too long. Let me sum up:
Spirituality can be seen as our own personal journey in seeking communion with the DIVINE, the HOLY, the TRUTH, the SOURCE. What ever name you want to give it. We live in a human and mundane world, surrounded by all of our human and mundane trappings, events, and problems. Occasionally, we get a glimpse into the the realm of the DIVINE. In may be through our own efforts (by prayer, meditation, service, etc...), or by events outside of ourselves (actions of others, etc...). But these glimpses are fleeting. Sometimes they leave us inspired, sometimes they leave us in despair at their briefness (for want of holing on to them), but most of the time, they simple leave us, as we fall back into our mundane world, with our mundane trappings, events, and problems.
True story: a couple of weeks ago, I was driving home from work and listening to a very positive human interest story on NPR. I do not remember what the story was about, but at the conclusion of the story,  I remember looking at the sunset, and being washed over with a nearly incomprehensible JOY. I started crying, and laughing, and for a brief moment, I felt a deep connection with the HOLY.  Then I passed through an intersection, and it was gone. I was back to my daily drive home to see my family, eat dinner, check homework, et cetera. It is hard, in our mundane world to find those moments. And they cannot be forced, they cannot be cajoled into manifesting themselves. They come at the WILL of the HOLY.
Religion, its establishments and its sacraments, are our mundane, human world model and map for journey towards the DIVINE. The rituals of religion (sacraments) exist to serve as a reminder, and a doorway to this realm of spirituality. Priests and ministers are there (or should be there), to serve as our doormen, or even our guides.
When I was a practicing Wiccan, we held seasonal rituals to acknowledge the "turning of the wheel", and pay homage to the God and Goddess. We even sought to "draw them down", into our presence, or even into us. As a Christian, I go to church, and I see the Priests and Ministers delivering their sermons, and performing specific rituals, that are meant to remind us, and keep us connected, even if in a superficial way (although that is absolutely NOT the point), to the HOLY.
Every path of Spirituality has Religion. The moment it passes out of the HOLY realm of thought, and into the HUMAN realm of action, or form, or ritual, it becomes Religion.
This is not (or does not have to be) a bad thing. It serves a purpose. Where we get into trouble is when we stop seeing the ritual as a representation of the HOLY, and start seeing it as the HOLY. The trap to be fallen into is the one of thinking that one can, by ritual, control the HOLY, or control the experience of the HOLY. The HOLY cannot be controlled. It is only through DIVINE GRACE that one can experience DIVINE GRACE. In this is also falls the idea of exclusivity. That is, that this ritual is the only way to do this thing, and that any variation from it is wrong. This hardens our hearts, and walls us off from the experience of the HOLY. That is not to say that one should be a dilettante about it, and bounce around from practice to practice. This approach to seeking the DIVINE EXPERIENCE will lead to no good end. But I digress...

What I am getting at here is that the responsibility of Religion, ANY Religion, and its Ministers, is to serve as map, doorway, and guide to each of its congregation. We are all priests of the HOLY. Our Map of the realm of the HOLY is our church, or temple, or synagogue, or circle. Our Guides are our Priests, or Ministers, or Rabbis, or Gurus, and our Doorway is our rituals that we that we affect in our seeking of the TRUTH. What we do with our priesthood is the question... and the answer.

The dominion of the Old Gods ended with the coming of the Christ.

Tapped...

Was at CCC for service this morning, and during one of the praise songs, I found myself irritated that it was all about Jesus, with no deference to God. This is not the first time that this thought has crossed my mind. Now I know that God and Jesus are supposed to be One, but to proclaim Jesus as the "author of the Universe" just seemed absurd to me. The IDEA, the SALVATION, was created in the dark recesses before time as we know it...

TAP
That familiar feeling of nausea, vertigo, and being sucked out of my place in time and space washed over me like and avalanche...

***Sophia warned God that creating Man was a bad idea. CHRIST was created as a fail-safe.***

And then He was gone, leaving me disoriented with a strong need for a hard-boiled egg and a pint of Gatorade.

Misplaced Childhood

I am having no small difficulty with this Spiritual Timeline assignment from my EfM class. I am having to go back and remember details from my childhood that I would really rather leave locked in my precious Chinese box. I But, will chop wood and carry water, and get through it, and perhaps when it is done, I will have gleaned something positive from it.

Lament

I am remorseful that I cannot seem to find the time or the quiet space to meditate, and cannot seem to find the focus for prayer. Thoughts flash like lightning, swift and powerful through my mind, but then are gone and leave me saddened that I could not hold on to them longer. I am distracted by the world, as good of a world that it is, but I need my time in the desert.

EfM Week 2

Very interesting and exciting subject matter this week. We... (okay, "I") studied the JEDP Documentary Hypothesis ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Documentary_hypothesis ) and the difference and relationships between myth, legend, saga, and history as they pertain to the Old Testament ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christian_mythology ).
Hopefully I will find time to expound upon this sometime this week. Right now, I am off to bed.

Overwhelmed

Working on my EfM studies tonight and am feeling completely overwhelmed. And it's only the first week. I was so proud of all of the hand written notes that I took on the first lesson, but as I go back and try to answer the questions in the Study Guide, I find that my notes are nearly incomprehensible. Here it is Wednesday already, and I have not even started on my lesson two material. I hope that I am not in over my head. It makes the idea of going back to actual college classes very discouraging.

Forgiveness

Had a conversation this evening about "forgiveness." The question raised was; is forgiving someone who has done you wrong, without their admitting (or even being willing to acknowledge) their wrong doing the same as letting them be right?
Discuss.

On Responsible Christianity: Part 1

I have been thinking a lot lately on the concept of what I call "responsible Christianity." What does that mean? What does it mean to me? Or you? Or Bob?
I can only answer the question of what it means to me.

Part 1: Know your History and the History of your Religion
There is a lot of talk about the infallibility of the bible. That it is the original and true Word of God, as set down  thousands of years ago. We now know this to simply not be true. We know that the Old Testament is a compilation of stories, histories, and legends, and mythologies, handed down by word of mouth by the Hebrew people for centuries upon centuries before finally being collected and compiled into its present form. Mind you, a great deal of care was taken in the early centuries of the Common Era to ensure that the existing texts were copied accurately, but careful examination of surviving historic texts show countless errors in copy, translation, and interpretation.
Now, this is not to say that the Old Testament is not worthy of being considered important or even Sacred scripture. It is an excellent account of the moral and sociological history of the Hebrews/Israelites. It encompasses the traditions of the people and their relationship with God, and is their ultimate handbook for good living.
But it would be irresponsible to say that the OT as we have it is as it has always been and shall always be. Just look at the differences in the English translations that we have. The King James Version, the Standard Revised Version, the International Version, the Standard English Version, and the list goes on and on, etc., ad nauseum... So if the Word is the Final Word on the subject, which version of The Word is it?
(There is also the issue of the number of books and sties that were ultimately left out of the canon, but we will save that for a different post.)
The MESSAGE of the book is what is enduring. But even that is open to interpretation. Do you interpret the text literally, or do you read the metaphor behind the message? Or both? Do you take The Word at face value, regardless of archeological support or explanation, or do you look at the physical evidence and find the balance between the two.
The Book is a Good Book. But it is a work of Man, inspired by God. But a work of Man none the less.
These are the kinds of things that I look at when I consider the idea of Practicing Responsible Christianity.

In preparation for the class that I will be starting in September, I spent the majority of the evening at REV Coffee studying the origins and general timeline of the Old Testament, from Abraham's departure from Ur to the Intertestamental Period.
The material covered not just a summary of events, but also the general history of how the Old Testament came to be in its present form from its stories in oral tradition to being collected into a canonical text.

The Lost Gospels, BBC Documentary

Interesting BBC documentary on the lost gospels of early Christianity.

On YouTube in 9 parts.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-L7cQ3BrD5U

This I believe...

This train of though started back on 11/28/10, and has been added to at various times since then, and will continue to be added to, subtracted from, and modified as time progresses. These thoughts are stream of consciousness drives, and fall in no particular order.

I believe that God is not a He or a She or even an It. God IS. God is the ultimate IS-NESS.
I believe that we have to quantify God in order for our minds to understand and relate to "Him." (My use of the word "Him" is for convenience sake, and not a statement of the gender of the man or of the Infinite.)

I believe in the Angels and Archangels as creations of God. Sparks of the infinite, willed into existence for a specific purpose.

I believe that the universe came into being through the First Postulate (First Thought, First Word).

I believe that God gave us Christ through Jesus to teach us the way of peace, brotherhood, forgiveness and unity.

I believe that "salvation" comes not only from accepting Jesus's death for our sins, but in truly understanding Christ's resurrection, and the teachings that came before and after.

I believe that Hell (the act, not the place) is created by the sinner as punishment for their own shortcomings.

I believe in Heaven (The Ultimate state if Isness) as the ultimate goal of the Spirit of Man.

I believe that The Bible,  a compilation of stories, histories, mythologies, and inspired works; inspired by God, but written my man, and authorized by man; is meant to serve as a handbook for living a better life.

I believe that other "inspired works," that were systematically removed from the canon of scripture and ultimately (mostly) destroyed, are worthy of historical, academic, and spiritual consideration.

I believe that God helps those who help themselves. I believe that we have been shown the way, but it is up to us to act upon it.
I do not believe that God or Christ would have us surrender our strength, our free-will, or our sense of personal responsibility.

I believe that "Evil" was created in the universe long before The Fall.
I believe that "The Devil" as we have come to call it, is the antithesis of the Holy Spirit.


I believe that man does not necessarily need "The Devil" to do evil. Some men are capable of committing atrocities that would make even "The Devil" blush.

I believe that God created Man in His own image, and Man, being the gentleman that he is, returned the favor.

To be continued.... always...

The way Some People Think, CCC

If we all lived as though the Lord WAS coming, we would all be a whole lot nicer to each other.

In a nut-shell...

It is interesting, going back through the journal that I have been keeping for the last few years, how some of my viewpoints have changed. Some of them in major ways, some of them very subtly. **All posts prior to this moment (and this moment... and this moment...) are subject to change in perspective without notice (although I will try to keep up with them as best I can.)**

I thought it might be pertinent to give a little background information on who I am and why I am doing this.
I was raised in a non religious family. Both of my parents (my Mom and Step Dad) are agnostic. I spent my summers in New York (with my Dad and Step Mom) from the age of six to sixteen in a Hindu Ashram.
I went to church occasionally as a child; Catholic Church when I would spend the weekend at my best friends house, and Southern Baptist church when I would spend time with any of my varied grand and great-grandparents.
As a teenager, I started studying the occult, and western European pagan religions. I spent well over fifteen years as a practicing Wiccan/Pagan, going so far as to very nearly completing formal studies to become a Wiccan High Priest.
I was introduced to Scientology in in the late 90's, and found that it changed my perspectives on things. A lot of Scientology makes sense, and there are still a lot of its premises and practices that I still adhere to. (You may be surprised at how much Scientology has in common with the underlying ideas of paganism and even Christianity). I left off being an active Scientologist due to my disagreements with the church's administration.
In the Spring of 2007, I had an incident (or a series of incidents) that changed everything, both in my spiritual life and in my physical life (more on this in a future post). This led me, over the last five years, over a very rocky path to where I am now.
Ultimately, this journal will go back to that first incident in the Spring of 2007, in hopes that I may make some sort of sense of it all.
I am not here to preach the Gospel. I am not here to proselytize. I am here to talk about my experiences. Perhaps through others reading this blog, they will provide insight that will further my spiritual journey. And perhaps my experiences will help others with theirs.

Just a note...

After posting several back dated entries, and updating my blog description, I realized that I am feeling a little defensive about this. I have many friends who are Christan, and many who are of other faiths and practices. Someone said to me today; "I can't imagine how uncomfortable it must be for you, and the rest, to deal with the public perception...". It is not "the public" that I am uncomfortable with. The Public does not know my faith. I am much more uncomfortable sharing this with my friends. Some of my experiences may be seen as unconventional, or even unbelievable. But I am doing it anyway, in hopes that I may gain some insight from my loving and caring friends.
That's all I've got for now. I'm going to bed.

Am I/I am a Christian./?

If I had to base my belief as a Christian on the image projected by high-profile media political and pop-culture Christians, I could not be one. Gandhi once said: "I like your Christ, but not your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ." I try to life my life day based on my understanding of God and Christ. Not other peoples interpretation of God and Christ.

From the depths of Heaven
My soul falls to the
Heights of Hell.
I stand here on my mountain top
starring up at the diamond studded,
black velvet underside of Heaven.
Milton once told me that it was "Better to reign than to serve."
What do I reign over now? Who do I now serve?

What is the Truth about God?
Who decided what the Truth about God was?

Jesus-Christ-God-Self

Jesus~Christ
Jesus=Christ
Jesus//Christ
          Christ~God
          Christ=God
          Christ//God
                     God~Self
                     God=Self
                     God//Self

Mirages and Oasises

Lord, I feel that the end of my long journey is in sight, yet my destination seems to forever shimmer on the horizon mike a mirage. I ask you to guide me on the straight path and lead me to the oasis of my solace.

A Scientological Approarch

The goal of every living organism in this universe is ultimately Survival. From survival as itself as an individual organism to becoming one again with all of creation, the goal is the same.

Good and Bad, Right and Wrong, Righteousness and Sin can all be said to be measured by how Pro-Survival or Anti-Survival any particular action is across the Dynamics.

When evaluating your thoughts and deeds, actions that are good for more dynamics than no, could be considered to be Good, or Pro-Survival Actions. Actions that would adversely effect more of the Dynamics than not would be considered to be Bad, or Anti-Survival actions.

This is pretty straight forward stuff.

We exist and survive and strive to achieve perfection across eight planes, or Dynamics:
1. Self- Survival as Self: Who we are as human beings. Our personalities, our bodies, our minds.
2. Family/Sex- Our survival into the future through procreation. Our selection of a partner. Our our relationship with our immediate family.
3. Groups- Our survival as and of groups. Large or small groups. We are social animals. We need groups. This could be your co-workers, your social groups, your neighborhood, your city, your country, your race.
4. Mankind- Survival of and as Mankind.
5. All Life- The survival of and as part of all life on the planet (or in the cosmos)
6. Physical Universe- Survival of and as part of the physical universe. Matter-Energy-Space-Time.
7. Spirituality- Survival as a spiritual being and of spiritual beings
8. Infinity (Supreme Beingness, God, etc...)- Survival towards regaining unity with God

 **********************************************************************

In relations with others, a formula can be observed. This same formula can be applied to you relationship with God:

The ARC Triangle represents the relationship between Affinity (your willingness to be close to something), Reality (your agreement or understanding with/of something) and Communication (your ability to talk, or other wise communicate about something.
It is a truth, that when one corner of the triangle drops, the others follow suite.
Communication is the pinnacle of this process. Through Communication, Reality is established. With reality comes Affinity (or at the very least an acceptance of what something is.)

I will update this more soon.

Faith is not about believing in the power of God to help you.
Faith is about believing in the power of God WITHIN you to help yourself!

************************************************************

God is the ultimate ISNESS.
All other gods have been but ASPECTS. That which were needed by a particular people, in a particular place, at a particular time.

***********************************************************

The Gods of Man are limited in time and space. They are temporal.

Today has been an uphill struggle to get to church. Particularly with the boys. The usual kids-not doing-what-they-are-told-to-do stuff.

I got introduced the other day to someone as The Preacher!?!
I was so taken aback, that I had no response but to shake the man's hand, smile, and beat a hasty retreat for the door.
I wanted it to be true. I would love to go back to school for my BA in Theology, or even seminary.
There is a comfort in the idea. An idea that I am afraid will never manifest itself into a reality. That makes me very sad, and I am forced to lock that into my precious Chinese box.

I am okay now. Coming to terms with my own thoughts, dobts and fears.
There are times that I feel Him beside me, and there are times that I simply know He is out there somewhere.
I am protected by Him and His Holy Host of Angels.

And today I shall leave behind all of my fear and sorrow and regret and make myself the promise of seeking only a better tomorrow.

Still trying to decide...

As I sit here in the bedroom, still trying to decide if getting baptized tomorrow is the right thig and the right time...
I find C's Angel Cards on the bed.
I somewhat reluctantly pick them up and peruse the guide book. I choose my four cards and lay them face down.
1. Ariel- Psychic awakening, mysterie, healing.
2. The Caduceus: Raphael's Staff: Grounding, integration, polarity, balance.
3. Pistis Sophia: Realization of life's potential.
4. Tabris/Oriel: Choice, finding the door to the Light. Free Will. Destiny.

Hmm...

Easter Sunday

Rough morning at Church this morning.
What is it about allowing Jesus into my life that I am so afraid of?
I want to get baptized next Sunday, but I am afraid to.
I want to allow... to accept Jesus Christ into my life, but am afraid to.
WHY?
I cried and prayed and cried through church today.
I try to pray, but my thoughts wander...
I want... I need my week in a cabin... my forty days in the desert...

Afraid to get baptized

My fear of Baptism within a church is the expectations of being dedicated to THAT church's idea of Christ. The weight of the expectation of others.

What of MY Christ? What of MY God? What of MY EXPECTATIONS?!?

Palm Sunday 2011

From a TV sermon this morning: "The Holy Spirit is bestowed upon recipients in different ways; some with knowledge, some with faith, some with prophesy, some with tongues."

I am having difficulty with my "faith." Christ is a spiritual fact, but I do not FEEL the Christ within me. I am envious of those who do. I am envious of those who feel this all-encompassing peace that seems to come with Faith in Christ. This I do not have.
One the drive to church this morning, I seemed to hear a voice. A message: "Yours is not the place of faith. Your role is once of the skeptic and scholar, and one of knowledge."
It was very difficult to concentrate on this, what with driving and all.

I came to church today at my wife's prompting.
It is far more for the boy's sake than what I am getting out of it. I like the sermons here, but I am not feeling any sense of spiritual fulfillment from it. I WANT TO FEEL DAMNIT!!!
I am feeling detached and lost again. And I hate it. There HAS to be something more than this.
     True Self - Truth of being yourself - of being spiritual - of worship - is your soul's link to God

I wonder if I am over analyzing things again?

Notes from our Angelic Visitation

Angelic Visitation

Preface: My dad called me one day prior to this and asked me if I would accept the gift of an angelic visitation from him and Patty. He explained that someone offered him the same gift, and the price was to pass it on to someone else. I reluctantly accepted. When the designated night came, Celeste put out offerings and lit candles, but I was still incredulous. Then the clock struck 11, the wind picked up suddenly outside and blew the previously closed door open. All of the hair on my neck stood up, and Celeste collapsed to the floor.
Half-an-hour later, we were all sitting around the dining room table. These are our notes from that encounter:

ABURIEL- He who leads them
AREFIEL- He who brings healing
SAMARIEL- He who is the Warrior Spirit
ANURIEL- He who brings renewal
LAURIEL- She who is gentleness and wisdom
(spelling may not be 100%. Ex: "iel" may be "ael")

"These are not our true names, but names which you can understand"

"Do not doubt"

What you believe to be your imagination is The Spirit speaking to you, through you."

Do not be afraid to speak the words in your mind aloud."

The Truth is more beautiful than you can ever imagine."

At Celeste: "Why do you cry? You cannot imagine the tremendous peace he has found not the tremendous love he has for you." Speaking of her father who had passed in 2007.


AMAT UHUR ARA KI

AVA BENDU SHALA
AHAREME'

After this first night, the presences stayed around for the proscribed week. We went camping that weekend, and they attended us even there. It was the weekend of the "Super-moon."

"If the Gnostics are right; If God is accessible in whole to everybody, we are all out of jobs." -Early Period Bishop, C. 3rd Century

Promises and Doubt

How can one NOT be excited about the promise of a reward in Heaven?

It seems to me that there are two types of religious fanatics. The ones that are ABSOLUTELY CERTAIN of God and His Reward, and the ones that are SO uncertain that they must put up a front.
I KNOW that God exists. I know that Jesus is the Son of God and the Saviour of Man.
How can I KNOW these things and not shout it from the tops of the tasllest mountains?
Do I still have my doubts? And WHY? HOW?
Given what I have experienced, the dreams that have come to me. HOW CAN I HAVE DOUBT?!?

Your salvation is not a foregone conclusion.

Your salvation is not a foregone conclusion.
I wonder if the downfall of otherwise would-be "good Christians" is in their arrogance of assuming that they; by their deeds, thoughts, and what they believe to be their Faith; are already "saved."
It seems to me that the "fear of God" is not fear of retribution by way of fire & brimstone and pillars of salt, but in living each moment of every day in the knowledge that your salvation is NOT a foregone conclusion.

Another dream I had...

I drempt of Jesus and Raphael. First, Jesus was standing there, bathed in lights. I was washed over with a sense of contented happiness. The Raphael stood to his right. I could feel myself smiling, warm and happy, even in my sleep.
Then I saw a man standing on a rise, clothed and awash in white light. The light seemed to emanate from everything around him. He had long white hair and beard and long white robes with sleeves that emulated angel's wings. His robes were tied with an gold rope.
He was waiving the multitudes around him forward. I realized that this was St. Peter of the Gates. I woke up filled with joy that I might have found that Jesus and Raphael were still with me.

The Path of Right

Man does not need the Devil to make him do bad things. Man is capable of dreaming up an committing horrors that that would give the Devil nightmares. Sure, there might be an antithesis to God that we call "The Devil." If there is, His interest is NOT in the souls of the Evil Man. The Man that caused the Holocost. The Man who slaughtered thousands upon thousand in Rowanda. The Man who betrayed the trust of the Children. He already has those. He is vying for the souls of the Good Man that strays from the Path of Right.
Do what you know is Right. Not The Church's Right. Not your Guru's Right (unless you're Guru is Andy Fedder, then you had better damn well pay attention.) Not your Mom's or your Dad's Right. YOUR RIGHT. You know what it is. You know that sometimes it is hard. But try to stay on the Path of Right anyway. It will serve you well in the end. And for the Love of whatever God you worship, serve, deny, have a passive-aggressive relationship with, whatever... don't do Right for fear of the Devil. Just do Right because it is the Right thing to do.
----------

A rant inspired by an advertisement that I saw on FaceBook about "The Face of the Devil" or some foolishness like that.

Lost my way

I feel as though I have lost my way. Not so much strayed from the path, as missed a turn somewhere.
I thought I felt him the other day while driving, but then the doubt drove the feeling away. Did I miss my calling. my opportunity again? I so wish that I could recover that First Dream. To make sense of what had happened may have helped me see where I was supposed to go. Now I feel as though all of that has slipped away.

Would I be worthy to done the Armor of God and pick up my flaming sword to defend The Gate?

Water- a Haiku

You crash over me
Like water from heaven's hold
And wash my soul clean

Am I moved?

Am I moved? What is it that I want so badly that it makes my heart ache with longing and sorrow?
I took blessing at communion today and now I am struck sorrowful. I do not understand.

A dream I had

As I lay half sick and half asleep in bed, I half pondered my thoughts on Christianity, and indeed Christ himself.

I half prayed in my drowsiness to God for answers to my many unanswerable questions.
Even as my eyes were closed, many images flashed before my mind. Images of cathedrals, crosses, then the face of Jesus, cowled in a hood, but looking down at me so that his face was plain.
This was not the Anglo-Saxon Jesus of western art, but a realistic, Middle-Eastern looking face.
There was an artistic quality to the image, but not one that I can readily associate with any piece of art that I have seen.
As I saw this image, a voice spoke to me. It was a very synthetic (or metallic, like speaking down a tunnel) voice but it spoke encouragingly to me. Even as I was drifting further towards sleep, I tried to focus on what it was saying. The only words I could discern were "...my dear...". The rest was garbled, and I thought at the time; "Is that Aramaic?" Then my years of doubt tumbled in and the image and the voice faded away. I was puzzled and saddened, but then I slept.

He waits...

And so He sits on the Throne of Heaven and waits. Waits for Man to realize his own potential. Waits for Man to stop depending on Him for all of the answers, depending on Him to take them by the hand and guide them, depending on Him for their salvation. It is only when Man realizes that God is within them, that they will realize that God in in the world.

Even the Angels have free will. None will ever again revolt against God for what happened to Sataniel. We all love and serve God, but some serve begrudgingly due to God's elevation of Man above them.

***

We grow weary of the evil in the world and our inability to directly interfere. Just as God rules Heaven and we oversee His dominions, we may no longer intervene. We must move through the strong of heart.

As Lucifer is the overseer of Hell, and the other fallen his Princes, they may not directly interfere. Alas, they have minions who do that. But it is chiefly Man who creates the evil in the world. I do not understand how Man can commit such atrocities that Lucifer, even as Satan or Sammael, could have never dreamt up. The Devil does not need to LEAD Man into temptation. Man does fine on his own.

First Sin

The first sin was not man's disobedience to God. The first sin was Sataniel's rebellion against God.

I do not have FAITH in God

I do not have *faith* in God.
I *BELIEVE* in God.
My experiences with Raphael, my dreams, my visions leave me no choice.

An imperfect Historie...

The Bible is an imperfect history of mankind. A mythology of sorts.
Some of the stories have a basis in historic events and facts, but they are stories, passed down through the generations before being committed to writing.

Again...

West bound on I-285, coming home from work. The usual heavy traffic that is characteristic of Atlanta. I glance in my rearview to see the car behind me as we all crawl towards our various destinations. The hair on the back of my neck stands up, and I glance again. The car has become an emergency vehicle, lights blazing, and siren crying out. The EMSV Passes me on the left. Children's Hospital Critical Transport Unit.
Heavy traffic impeded its path. It will go nowhere fast.
I look back again and am blinded by the golden light coming in from the back of my head.
I see his face looking at me through my own eyes.
The light. The PAIN.
I am pushed froward in my seat as though something was wedged between my shoulders and the drivers seat. Wings.
My arms outstretch. Locked. Pain.
The traffic ahead of me parts like the Red Sea.
My right arm is numb.
The EMSV Makes for the opening, and goes.
Tears and pain.
My exit. Right.
I can see from below that traffic has once again closed up around the vehicle.
The lights go off. The siren is silenced.
The little blonde haired, blue eyed boy in the back didn't make it.
I tried. I can't shake this.

Driving In Between

On a long dark road
Going nowhere in between
Driving by feel
You can't imagine what I've seen

I've seen days like nights
and nights like days
I've seen the sun block out the moon
I've seen falling stars
like fire from Mars
bringing us to our doom

On this long dark road
With nothing in between
I don't know where I'm going
But I do know what I've seen

I've seen gods like devils
and angels like demons
I've seen men nailed to their cross
I've seen fallen saints
and risen sinners
I've seen the found never know their loss

On this long dark road
With no exits in between
No one knows where it goes
But we all know where it's been

A Party, An Unexpected Visitor, and the Beginning of the End

A Party, An Unexpected Visitor, and the Beginning of the End:

The night of the 14th of April 2007... It was in fact, a dark and stormy night.
It was Robin's birthday party. Jimmy and Cindy, Liz and Joe, and various other assorted guests were there. There was much drink to be had.
There was a tension between Jimmy and Cindy, and Jimmy was drinking and smoking to excess, which was not particularly in character for him, though it had been commented upon that Jimmy might be looking for some drama. He would receive it.
At some point, late in the evening, Jimmy started to have an asthma attack. Robin took him out onto the front porch to get some fresh air.
I came out a few minutes later and inquired as to the problem. I was told. Robin had laid Jimmy down on the ground, and was kneeling beside him, laying her hands on him to bring him comfort and healing.
I grounded my left foot, and laid my right hand on her shoulder, drawing up energy to feed her and assist her.
Then the Light came. It crashed into me from behind with the intensity of a freight train. It came through the back of my head, golden and brilliant, blinding and painful. I can remember seeing it behind me, in me, through me, even as my eyes were closed.
What happened in the moments after that, I must rely on the testimony of others. It is said that I reached down and laid my hands on Jimmy and spoke in words unintelligible. His breathing eased, and I got up and walked off into the rain and the dark.
Our front porch was prone to several inches of flooding when it rained, and tonight was no different. As I walked away, I can remember a woman's voice on the porch saying "Oh my God, did you see that? He didn't even touch the water."
When I came to, I was standing behind the apartment, just off the back patio... standing in the rain and lightning and thunder. And stone cold sober.
I went back through the apartment and back out onto the front porch. Jimmy had recovered from his asthma attack, but was now crying, sobbing, with his eyes clenched shut. Robin was furious. "What did you do to him!?!" Between her raving at me, and listening to Jimmy's protestations, I gleaned that since the moment I touched him, his eyes burned with a freezing, blinding light, and he he could hear the sound of feathered wings all around him. "He keeps asking about the Book Aaron! He keeps asking to see the Book! What did you say to him!?! WHAT DID YOU DO!?!"
By this point, Liz and Joe had moved Jimmy to the other side of the porch where he was in less danger of getting wet from the flood waters.
I knelt down beside Jimmy and he was still crying about the freezing, blinding light, and the feathers and the Book. Liz and Joe were on the opposite side of him from me.
Once again, I felt the presence inside of me, though not as intense as before, compelling me to place my hand over his eyes and speak. And once again, words came out that were not my own.
Jimmy cried out and tried to pull away, saying that he didn't want it to go away.
All of this infuriated Joe, and he urged me off of Jimmy, saying that we were not going to do it this way.
I took my hand off of Jimmy's eyes, and he had stopped crying. He opened his bloodshot eyes, looked at me and asked what was going on, what had happened.
At this Robin pulled me away, even as Joe moved between Jimmy and I.

The next thing I remember, Robin and I are in the bedroom. Jimmy has recovered, sobered up a bit, and remembers little or nothing of what happened. She is insisting that I never discuss this with Jimmy. That he was born and raised Catholic, and this would just mess him up. I was trying to make heads or tails out of what had happened. She just keeps saying that it was all because I was drunk. Because we were all drunk.

I had been visited by the Archangel Raphael. Me. I was an unbeliever. I was not a Christian. For most of my life, I was anything BUT a Christian. I grew up spending my summers in a Hindu Ashram. I only went to church when I was with my Grandmothers, or my best friend in grade school. I have been a pagan, a practicing Wiccan; very nearly attaining my Priesthood. I have hunted ghosts and demons. I had been an active Scientologist for over ten years. For everything that I have seen and done, I was not prepared for this. I had believed in angels as supernatural forces. Powerful spirits of the deceased, or creations of God, sent back to watch over us. The concept of Archangels was a fancy. A way to quantify an experience. But now I knew differently.
As the next few days passed, I tried to discuss what had happened with both Robin and Liz. Neither of them would talk to me about it. I needed to know what they had seen, what they had heard, but neither of them would discuss it. That dark cloud that hung over Robin and my relationship began to churn and thicken. It would not be long.