Sometimes the thunderstorms just build up in my head. They roll and boil, then go flat and silently grey. When the calm comes, I start to come back out of myself, but then a sudden gust of wind and a crash of lightning later, and I am nothing but a sick and broken man in a sea of casualties.
Just one night, I would like to get through an evening without something knocking me off my keel. Just one night, I would like to get through an evening without bitching my kids out for something. Sometimes something they have done. Sometimes because they were in the wrong place at the wrong time. Rarely deserving of the malevolence that issues forth from my festering pie hole. Sometimes I wonder if I need to be back on some sort of medication. I hate my temper. I hate that the littlest, stupidest thing can set it off. I hate that once it is loose, I cannot seem to reign it back in until it has run it's course. (Thank you DF for teaching me the power of rambling, vehement, 30 minute lectures) This is my thing that I would like to give up to God. I cannot do it alone. I cannot be in charge of it any more. I don't want it any more!
I am going to go take some tylenol now, and go to bed.
I have some herbal ideas for you-
ReplyDeleteIt's super tense around here- a lot of people in a tiny place to start with. We'll figure it out