I have been in a serious funk all afternoon. I feel like my soul is clawing to get out and that my heart is exploding to do something, I just don't know what. I feel like I am lost again in that dark wood, having stumbled off the path that leads to a destination unknown. This is in stark contrast to the sense of relative peace and well being that I had been feeling for the last few days. I think I need a few hours of quiet meditation, and try to center myself, get refocused, get reconnected.
I have been practicing the Jesus Prayer (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jesus_Prayer) for the last few days, and it seemed to be helping me focus and be more calm... until today. Part of me feels that (today at least) I have fallen apart, and another part of me feels that I have broken through a barrier of some kind.
Today is the Winter Solstice, which is a time of faith in renewal, and of things to come. Maybe that is what I am feeling. Change. But change to what? Where? How?
I give myself over to You Lord. Let Thy will be done. In the meanwhile, I will continue to chop wood and carry water.
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