As I sit here in the bedroom, still trying to decide if getting baptized tomorrow is the right thig and the right time...
I find C's Angel Cards on the bed.
I somewhat reluctantly pick them up and peruse the guide book. I choose my four cards and lay them face down.
1. Ariel- Psychic awakening, mysterie, healing.
2. The Caduceus: Raphael's Staff: Grounding, integration, polarity, balance.
3. Pistis Sophia: Realization of life's potential.
4. Tabris/Oriel: Choice, finding the door to the Light. Free Will. Destiny.
Hmm...
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Easter Sunday
Rough morning at Church this morning.
What is it about allowing Jesus into my life that I am so afraid of?
I want to get baptized next Sunday, but I am afraid to.
I want to allow... to accept Jesus Christ into my life, but am afraid to.
WHY?
I cried and prayed and cried through church today.
I try to pray, but my thoughts wander...
I want... I need my week in a cabin... my forty days in the desert...
What is it about allowing Jesus into my life that I am so afraid of?
I want to get baptized next Sunday, but I am afraid to.
I want to allow... to accept Jesus Christ into my life, but am afraid to.
WHY?
I cried and prayed and cried through church today.
I try to pray, but my thoughts wander...
I want... I need my week in a cabin... my forty days in the desert...
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Afraid to get baptized
My fear of Baptism within a church is the expectations of being dedicated to THAT church's idea of Christ. The weight of the expectation of others.
What of MY Christ? What of MY God? What of MY EXPECTATIONS?!?
What of MY Christ? What of MY God? What of MY EXPECTATIONS?!?
Palm Sunday 2011
From a TV sermon this morning: "The Holy Spirit is bestowed upon recipients in different ways; some with knowledge, some with faith, some with prophesy, some with tongues."
I am having difficulty with my "faith." Christ is a spiritual fact, but I do not FEEL the Christ within me. I am envious of those who do. I am envious of those who feel this all-encompassing peace that seems to come with Faith in Christ. This I do not have.
One the drive to church this morning, I seemed to hear a voice. A message: "Yours is not the place of faith. Your role is once of the skeptic and scholar, and one of knowledge."
It was very difficult to concentrate on this, what with driving and all.
I came to church today at my wife's prompting.
It is far more for the boy's sake than what I am getting out of it. I like the sermons here, but I am not feeling any sense of spiritual fulfillment from it. I WANT TO FEEL DAMNIT!!!
I am feeling detached and lost again. And I hate it. There HAS to be something more than this.
True Self - Truth of being yourself - of being spiritual - of worship - is your soul's link to God
I wonder if I am over analyzing things again?
I am having difficulty with my "faith." Christ is a spiritual fact, but I do not FEEL the Christ within me. I am envious of those who do. I am envious of those who feel this all-encompassing peace that seems to come with Faith in Christ. This I do not have.
One the drive to church this morning, I seemed to hear a voice. A message: "Yours is not the place of faith. Your role is once of the skeptic and scholar, and one of knowledge."
It was very difficult to concentrate on this, what with driving and all.
I came to church today at my wife's prompting.
It is far more for the boy's sake than what I am getting out of it. I like the sermons here, but I am not feeling any sense of spiritual fulfillment from it. I WANT TO FEEL DAMNIT!!!
I am feeling detached and lost again. And I hate it. There HAS to be something more than this.
True Self - Truth of being yourself - of being spiritual - of worship - is your soul's link to God
I wonder if I am over analyzing things again?
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