Hell is the broken places...

Hell is not fire and brimstone. Hell is the broken and empty places in the heart where love has been shut out. And where the door has been closed on love, so has it been closed on God. No one separates themselves from God but themselves. Every opportunity is given. The choice is yours and yours alone. I do not repent for fear of damnation, I repent for love of salvation. Not the kind that takes me to Heaven. The kind that brings Heaven here. +amd.g+

Angels or Good Samaritans

In my youth, I travelled to a distant city. One day, while walking on the outskirts of town, I was set upon by brigands. They emerged from the caves and the cliffs, and descended upon me like hungry lions. They beat me bloody, robbed me and left me on the side of the road for dead. After a time, I was able to get up again. I wandered aimlessly for a while. As I did, I passed many people, some of them turning their heads, some of them steering away, some of them pretending I wasn't there at all. When I was sure that all was lost, and I might never find my way home, two angels appeared to me. They took me under their wings, comforted me, gave me water, and washed the blood from my hands and face. They guided me to the safety of my domicile and disappeared.

V.2 When I was a teenager, I visited New York City with my father. One afternoon, I went for a walk alone in the nearby Riverside Park, a crowded and seemingly safe place. As I reached the end of the maid walkway, I noticed a rough looking crowd hanging out by the train tunnel. I quickly turned to walk back up the way I came, towards the safety of people. Before I had gotten ten paces, I was attacked by the gang of boys. The beat me severely and left me for dead. I laid there for what seemed a long time, beaten and bloodied. Eventually, I was able to get up and try to find help. As I staggered back up the parkway, bleeding, crying, and disoriented, I passed many people. Some on benches on the side of the walkway, some walking towards me. I can remember making eye contact with some of them, and how they would cross to the other side of the path, or just look away. Then I happened upon two elderly gentlemen who took me in their arms, got me cleaned up at a water fountain, found a police officer and saw to it that I found my way home. I never saw the two Good Samaritans again, and I don't know that I ever thanked them, but I want to take a moment to do it now. Gentlemen or Angels, whatever you were, and wherever you are, may God shine favourably upon you.

I don't know why I felt compelled to write two different versions of this story. They are both the truth. The first one is told as a myth, while the second one is just the facts. I guess this ties in with the theme of the last week or so.

+Blessings+
+AMD.G+

The question is: What does any of this have to do with our personal spirituality?

Unknown publication date.

"The question is: What does any of this have to do with our personal spirituality? Our personal relationship with God? What does a pastor at a political event, or a cross on a building or a public prayer, or a piece of clothing really have to do with your relationship with God? Everything here is all artifices. It is all external illusions, meant to keep you distracted from the real issue at hand. YOUR salvation. YOUR personal relationship with God. Go in your closet, close the door and pray. Do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing. Do not do as the Pharisees do, praying and fasting, and parading it around for all to see. What you do in the secret places of your heart shall be known by God. Like it our not, we are living in an increasingly secularized world. If you think it is bad now, it is going to get worse. Keep doing what you are doing, and do not get distracted politics of it. They are the worlds politics, not yours. You will be persecuted in His name. Who cares? What can they really do to you? You will not benefit by worrying about these things."

Why Mysticism

    Last week, I promised that I would try to get back to the point of my post on why I am interested in Christian Mysticism. Let me begin by defining what mysticism is to me. Christian Mysticism is the journey of discovering God for yourself. It is at once a journey of self-discovery, and realization of the reality of the Divine in the world. It is the finding of God, and the allowing of God to find you. It is discovering that God and Life are one. That God and Love are one. That God and yourself, are one. It is the coming to God in your own way, rather than by guilt, or force, or coercion, or because your parents said so. It is discovering that God is within you and without you, and that God can be experienced outside of Church and outside of the Bible, and is not defined or contained by the various dogmas of the various Churches that claim exclusivity on Him.
    It is like having a favourite city that you have not been to yet. You can read your travel atlas, and field guides and talk to people who have been there, or even live there. You can imagine and dream, and think you know everything there is to know about that city. But nothing compares to actually going there and experiencing it for yourself. I realized a long time ago, even before I was a Christian, that the problem with Christianity was allowing others to define God for you. Sure, have guides, and counsellors, mentors and ministers, but open yourself to the idea that God does not want a relationship with you through them. God wants a relationship with YOU. The Bible is an excellent resource for helping you get to know God, just as the travel atlas helps you know that city that you love so much. But it cannot BE that city, and the Bible cannot BE God. And no one can tell you authoritatively about that city, as no one can tell you authoritatively about your relationship with God.
+AMD.G+

And so it goes with God

            There was a historical Jesus, and his name was Yeshua of Nazareth. He was born of Miriam and Yoseph. He was an itinerant rabbi, an apocalypticist, and a political dissident. His actions in Jerusalem earned him the wrath of the local Pharisees and Sadducees, and won him an execution at the hands of Pontius Pilate. His followers went on to make him the single most influential person in the history of mankind.

            Then there is another Jesus. Jesus the Christ. The Anointed One. The Son of God. The Messiah. Born of the Virgin Mary and the Holy Spirit. A man who's miraculous birth was foretold by scripture and angels alike. A man who performed miracles of healing, transformation, walking on water, and raising people from the dead. His actions in Jerusalem gathered upon him the wrath of the local Pharisees and Sadducees, and earned him crucifixion at the hands of Pontius Pilate. Whereupon he died for the sins of the world, and was buried, descended into Hell, arose on the third day, made a few appearances, ultimately ascending into Heaven to take his place at the right hand of the Father, and will come again to judge the living and the dead.

            For the historian and the non-believer, the first story is made up of the statistically reliable, historically viable information based on the source material that we have. There is little or no doubt that Yeshua (later called Jesus in Latin) existed, and that these things happened. For the faithful, the second story is true, despite the lack of historic or statistically reliable evidence. They take it on Faith. And neither of these two camps are wrong. But there is another way of looking at these stories.

            I once heard the word "myth" defined as a story that can be true on the inside, without necessarily having to be true on the outside. But more accurately, "myth" can be defined as: a traditional or legendary story, usually concerning some being, hero, or event, which may or may not have a determinable basis of historical fact or a natural explanation; especially one that is concerned with deities or demigods and explains some practice, rite, or phenomenon of nature. The Gospels of Mark, Matthew, Luke, and John of the Christian Testament, are full of material that satisfies, to a greater or lesser degree, both the historian and the faithful. They are also full of myths. They are filled with stories that may or may not be historically true, but are filled with truth nonetheless.

            One does not have to believe in the literalness of a story to gain the benefits of the story's wisdom or truth. Does it matter that Jesus was born of a virgin? Historically speaking, no. Faithfully speaking, well... not really. What matters is what is understood by understanding the story. That it is understood that Jesus was of particular uniqueness. That his birth had divine implications. That his mother set the example of obedience to God's will. That she understood that to believe God, to believe IN God, was to allow the birth of Christ within her. Perhaps we are meant to understand that story the same way. By accepting God's will within us, we allow for the birth of the Christ consciousness within ourselves. The death, resurrection, and ascension of Jesus cannot be fully reconciled historically. It can, in the eyes of the faithful, be taken completely literally. But there is another viewpoint that satisfies both positions. And that is the story of the death, resurrection, and ascension of Jesus as a "myth." Not a lie. Not a fairy-tale; but a wisdom story that contains a universal truth. A truth that can be heard by those who have ears to listen.

            There are two quotes from two movies that I would like to share with you. One is from Secondhand Lions, where an ageing uncle is instructing his nephew on the facts of life. Here he tells the boy:

"Sometimes the things that may or may not be true are the things a man needs to believe in the most. That people are basically good; that honor, courage, and virtue mean everything; that power and money, money and power mean nothing; that good always triumphs over evil; and I want you to remember this, that love... true love never dies. You remember that, boy. You remember that. Doesn't matter if it's true or not. You see, a man should believe in those things, because those are the things worth believing in."

            The second is from the Life of Pi. Pi has just shared two versions of his tale of survival with an interviewing author. When you read this one, I want you to consider my opening paragraphs:

            Pi: So which story do you prefer?

            Writer: The one with the tiger. That's the better story.

            Pi: Thank you. And so it goes with God.

            Writer: [smiles] It's an amazing story.

Let those who have ears listen. Let those who have hearts love.

+AMD.G+

First Christian Exile

  Yesterday I wrote an op. ed. piece on how my interest in Christian Mysticism was driven by the fact that I am sick-and-tired, and quite frankly a little embarrassed to be associated with the Christianity of today. I accidentally deleted that Blog post while cleaning up my files. But what I had to say was important enough to at least three people (based on the number of FB likes and comments) that I felt I should reiterate and possibly even elaborate.
  The conflict that I am dealing with comes from a number of fronts, including but not limited to:
1.  I have one friend who is constantly complaining about how Christianity is being attacked and suppressed by the secular world. Well, it is, and it is because we have misused it, we have abused it, and now, like misbehaved children we are getting our toy taken away. Remember the Jews? When they cheesed God off, God sent them into exile, or otherwise set some adversity against them until they realized the error of their ways. Well, we have not, and I suspect that we are not anywhere near realizing the error of our ways. That we are on the verge of Divine Retribution. And that is on us as Christians for not following the Gospels. It is not on the rest of the world for not being believers.
2. I have a couple of friends, who, despite their good intentions, regularly post some pretty severe political commentary or even outright hateful rhetoric on FaceBook, while at the same time espousing the Love of God and claiming to be an ambassador of Christ in the world. There is a verse in the Bible (James 3:11) that says that Salt and fresh water cannot flow from the same well. I suggest my friends, that you mediate on this verse, look back at your posts, and perhaps even your conversations, and wee how and where this might be applicable.
3. Every day, I scan through the news feeds on Religion and Spirituality, and I see the devastating impact that the Christian Right is having on my religion. From the obviousness of Jerry Falwell (who's University I just withdrew from on theological grounds), and the Roman Catholic Church scandals, to right-wing politicians who speak out of both sides of their mouth by admonishing the government for being overly-controlling, but want to make the Bible a part of American governance. I see atheist and anti-theist like Bill Maher taking pot shots at Christianity that are just as ignorant as the people who have worked so hard to give him reason to do it in the first place. I see "good Christians" abroad and here in America, killing, STILL KILLING, in the name of their God and their Bible!?! I see 'Good Christians" judging and condemning, when they should be helping and being compassionate. I see Christians world-wide FORCING Christ ON the world, rather than BEING Christ IN the world.
  Now I know that this malfeasance is not representative of every Christian, any more than every Muslim is an extremist or a terrorist, but it is representative of the body of Christians who get the attention of the media. And, it is representative of a body of Christians who may not even realize that I am talking about them.
  We are on the verge of the First Christian Exile, and if we have learned nothing from the Bible (which is really a question that this whole rant poses), it is that it will be our own fault. If we want to stop it, then we need to get out there and start representing what Christ taught in the Gospels rather than trying to force your interpretations of the Bible them on people. Christ was clear. Love thy neighbour. The rest is commentary.

Here Aaron, have a Snickers. Why? Because you get all mystical and esoteric when you're hungry.

Seek and you shall find, and what you seek is what you shall find. If you seek a God to be angry at, then a God to be angry at is what you shall find. If you seek a God to find comfort in, then a God of comfort is what you shall find. If you seek a God to revel and delight in the mysteries of, then you shall find that also. +amd.g+

God reveals [Himelf] to us, so much as we seek [Him] in earnest. For in seeking, there is finding.

St Julian of Norwich Day

The sooner you realize that God is [in] everything, the sooner you can stop hating A, B, or C, for X, Y, or Z reasons.

May you have a joyful Julian of Norwich Day.

Then and Now

When I was a pagan, my religion was something that I celebrated on the sabbats, and acted upon when the need arose. My God was he that I greeted at dawn, and she that I greeted at moonrise. She was the Earth and He was the Hunt. They were there all the time, on the wind and in the rain, each exerting their power over their own spheres of this world. Unity was found in the act of love and in making love. Now as a Christian, my God is everywhere and everything. He and She are one, and all, and none at all. He is the days and the hours, and the weeks and the years. He is the sunrise and the sun, and the moonrise and the moon. He is the Agape, the Love that ebbs and flows among all things. He is the everything that ever was and everything that will ever be. He came before the gods of my youth, and he will be long after the memory of them has faded from these lands, for He is them than they are He. The time of many gods has passed from my world, for when there are many there are irreconcilable differences. When there is One there is unity, for it is One that is at the very heart of Unity.

 

*****

 

The One and the Many ARE the same, and the many are reflections and representations of the One. Each a different face for a different people with different needs at different times. But as Many they are divided, as One they are unified.

Broken halos, broken wings, broken love

Everyday, there is a new "news" report about the Catholic Church, the retiring Pope, the malfeasance of the priesthood, and every day my heart breaks a little for the Church and her people. Even if 90% of what the media says is not true, the media is still saying it, and people are still believing it. And it would seem as though the Church has brought this mess down upon themselves, and down upon all of the Christian faith.
Some of what they are saying is undoubtedly true. Religions officials caught up in sex scandals. Pedophile priests. Ministers stealing money form their own churches. Preachers preaching Love and going home and beating their wives and daughters. And then there is what the body of Christ is out there doing in His name. Blowing up abortion clinics, homophobic tirades on public transits, militant anti-god-only-knows-what rallies by the Westboro Baptist Church. Ministries teaching hate to youth in the guise of good Biblical indoctrination.
And I know the arguments. Not the ones trying to defend the actions, but the ones trying to defend the people;they're only human, they make mistakes, they're trying just like everyone else. "They're not perfect, just forgiven," (That one's my favorite.)
What happened to my God of Love? What happened to the "Greatest Commandment upon which the whole of the Law and the prophets hang"? (Matt :36-40) Is it being slowly ground under? Is it being lost to an ever increasing sense of secularism based on the wanton desires of the flesh?Sex, money, power? I don't know about the rest of you, but I want my God back!

AN OPEN LETTER
  To all Priests and officials of the Holy Roman Catholic Church, all the way up the the Pope: You are the oldest traditional body in Christianity! You are the face of Christianity to the majority of the world. You don't get to be human, you get to be more-human-than-human! It's not that you aren't allowed to make mistakes, you just are not allowed to make THESE kinds of mistakes! I am not Catholic, but I look up to the Catholic Church like a big brother.
  To the Ministers of the protestant and other modern church movements: Same goes! You are God's rep's here on Earth. Either step up, or step back. You are meant to be leading His people to salvation in and by the Love of God. If you are not doing that because you are caught up in this other nonsense, then you need to step back, take a long hard look at yourselves and what you are doing wrong, and make it right!
  To the Body of Christ: Learn to think. Learn to discern. You know deep down inside what is right and what is wrong. Someone told me recently that the problem with the Church was not with the people but with the leadership. I called BS. The people ARE the leadership. Rise up and be responsible Christians. Be prophets in your own Church if needs be. Get back to the Greatest Commandment at all costs.
  All-in-all, you are the Servants of God! Grow up and act like it. Quit making it so damn hard for the rest of us to profess our love for God and Christ!

+BLESSINGS+

  A Post-script to all non-Christians: I am sorry to and for those of you who have a poor opinion of Christianity. I suppose we have earned it. But I tell you, 1500 years of screwing up the truth doesn't change the truth into something screwed up. It just makes it harder and harder for the next generations to find. The good news is that it is out there. Christianity has a mystical tradition at it's core that has been overlooked and ignored for too long. It is a beautiful tradition, and worthy of of redeeming the whole of Christianity's broken history.

The Message of Truth

It is a message of such astonishing beauty that most people are unable to even bare the thought of it. We have strayed almost too far, and forgotten almost too much of what we knew in the beginning. The message has been obfuscated by eons of ego and misunderstanding. It has been stolen by man and his quest for truth. A quest that has been derailed and transformed into a petty scramble for power. A power that can never satisfy. A power that can never compare. Truth has been mutated and deformed into lies. The truth of the heart into the lies of the mind. Can any one person undo for themselves a millennium of millenniums of heartache? Of the pain of separation. Oh, how we long to return to... have we forgotten where?

Writer's Block and Spiritual Direction

So, I know it has been a while since I have posted anything. I have discovered that I know that I have writer's block when my inspirational articles start sounding like a technical manual. I was working on an article on Sin and Repentance, Confession and Forgiveness when I bogged down and out. Perhaps I will finish it soon, perhaps not. We will see how the Spirit moves me.

In the meantime, I had my first meeting with Father. R. today regarding my desire to join the priesthood. We had an excellent hour-and-a-half discussion that, to be honest, left me somewhat intimidated, a little discouraged, and at the same time a little scared-yet-excited about what the future may yet bring.

"It is a process." he would tell me. A process that could take up to 10 years AFTER my bachelor's degree, and then with no guarantee of an ordination. "But you have to let go and trust the process," he would conclude. I am truly trying to take an Ignatian "detachment" approach to this. I hope and pray that I can.

I am a little concerned about choosing Liberty U. as my college for my bachelor's program. They are a very conservative Baptist university, and I hold some reservations about what their science and theology classes are going to be like. I am still planning to pursue my BS in Religion with my minor in Christian Counseling. I am hoping to do my Master's somewhere like Candler. We'll see.

That's all for now folks. Thanks for tuning in, and hopefully I will get back in the swing of things soon.

+AMDG+

The space between...

"We pay so much attention to our thoughts.. we give them so much belief and identity that we miss the quiet space that exists between our thoughts. There lies the Peace of God. The mystics say that when our mind becomes still, the joy and sweetness of our own Higher Self shines through our being. As we practice witnessing our mind rather than chasing our thoughts, as we accept everything (including ourselves) as they are, our mind begins to become still. As our mind becomes still, the space between thoughts increases... our hearts and minds becomes absorbed in a quiet Peace. We are no longer lost in thought, but instead we experience the joy, clarity and Inner Peace of the Present Moment that lies beyond thoughts of the past or future. Now we live in the natural flow of life, fearlessly. This is the higher goal of our life." ~author unknown

Storms reprise

The storms come more quickly now
Crashing and flashing
Blinding my eyes to the glory of the sun
The precipice beckons me
Deeper and darker
Blinding my heart to the Glory of the Son
The seas rage, and the mountains shudder, the desert sands blow
And I try to see, but I am blind
The waters calm, the meadows glisten, the skies clear
And my Vision returns...

12 things that I wish I had known at 25...

For a lark yesterday, on my 50th birthday, I Tweeted 12 things that I wish I had known at 25. Or more accurately, 12 things that, had I put them into action, would have made my life a lot easier. Some are bits of advice that wisdom figures have told me and took years to sink in. Others are the result of some hard knocks. A few are insights from the great spiritual masters that I've adapted for my own life. Maybe a few will help someone you know who's 25. Maybe one or two will help you.

1. First up: Stop worrying so much! It's useless. (I.e. Jesus was right.)

2. Being a saint means being yourself. Stop trying to be someone else and just be your best self. Saves you heartache.

3. There's no right way to pray, any more than there's a right way to be a friend. What's "best" is what works best for you.

4. Remember three things and save yourself lots of unneeded heartache: You're not God. This ain't heaven. Don't act like a jerk.

Blaming All for One and One for All

"Italian Catholic Priest claims: "Arrogant, self-sufficient, provocative women incite domestic violence." was the headline that I read this morning. Wow. That won't win over any new friends for the Catholic Church. In fact, I rather suspect that it will only increase the level of suspicion and enmity towards, not just the Catholic Church, but her people, and all Christians for that matter.

All of this got me to thinking about how people (we) often blame an entire demographic for the actions or words of one or two or a few people.

Christ is born into the world through us

According to the mystical tradition, Christ is born into the world through each of us. As we open our hearts, he is born into the world. As we choose to forgive, he is born into the world. As we rise to the occasion, he is born into the world. As we make our hearts true conduits for love, and our minds true conduits for higher thoughts, then absolutely a divine birth takes place. Who we're capable of being emerges into the world, and weaknesses of the former self begin to fade. Thus are the spiritual mysteries of the universe, the constant process of dying to who we used to be as we actualize our divine potential. -M. Williamson

On Raphael, Archangel & Saint

http://www.saintraphael.webhero.com/prayer.htm

After the storm

After the emotional storm the last couple of days, I feel calm again, and there is peace in the house. The boys are all good, Celeste is good, I am good, God is good and is with us again. The daily grind has not changed, but I have, if even just a little bit. Metanoia rarely comes all at once. It comes in bits and pieces, sometimes slowly and softly like a gentle stream, and sometimes like an raging river.

On the Archangel Uri'el, his brothers, and the cause of his fury

So in discussion with Celeste tonight regarding the blatant omission of Uri'el from most literature on the Archangels, I was querying her as to why? It was then that the memory of the First Dream returned to me, and the answer was made clear.
It is generally considered that Uri'el is less common in literature, and is omitted from the roles of Archangels in many cases because; 1. He is not specifically mentioned in the canonical Bible, and 2. His is not such a popular job (being the Fire of God (God's justice)) as that to be put forward into the public eye.
In the Dream, Uriel was furious with Micha'el, and with the Father for their forced roll in casting Hal'el (Lucifer) out of Heaven. But even more so, he was furious with his brother for betraying them (his brothers) and the Throne. That Uri'el meets out God's justice with such fervor is attributed to his ongoing fury with Hal'el. A fury that will not be satisfied until Hell falls, and his brother repents.

27 bells in Connecticut

I am crushed in by what happened in Connecticut today. So much so that a part of me has simply tuned off. It is strange to have a part of your heart/soul that will not feel.
I pray to God for every child in that school, and in every school, in every nation on earth. I pray to God for every parent. Every teacher. Every administrator. Every emergency responder. I pray to God for every soul on this little blue marble, that we may find peace of spirit, and healing within our individual and our collective faiths. That the broken may be mended. That the hurt may be healed. That the saddened may find joy. And the angry, peace. I pray for the shooter, and I pray for the reconciliation of the Devil himself, that he may come back into the Light, and that his kingdom and his minions may all turn to so much dust.

May the church bell ring 27 times.

God in the Trees

Went hiking with the family today. Red Top Mountain, near Cartersville. It is the first time in a long time that we have gone to First Church. In the small quiet spaces between the children's chatter, I found God in the wind in the treetops, the rustling of leaves, and the sorrowful sounds of bird calls in the desolate winter woods. It was good to walk with Him again, even if only briefly.

On the Ministry of Exorcism

I am in a seriously contemplative state regarding the ministry of exorcism this evening. It is a subject that very few people are willing to confront, much less address with any degree of the seriousness with which it is deserving.

5 Common Misconceptions About the Bible by Christine Hayes

When it comes to the Bible, modern Americans are at a distinct disadvantage. They know both too much and too little.
They know too much because they live in a society in which references to the Bible -- positive and negative -- are frequent, creating a false sense of familiarity. They know too little because they have not read it, or have read only selected portions of it, or have allowed others to read it for them through the filtering lens of later theological doctrines or political opportunism. And that's a pity because the Bible, by which I mean the 24 basic books common to all Bibles (equivalent to the Jewish Tanakh or Hebrew Bible and to the Protestant Old Testament) is deserving of the same careful attention and close reading that we regularly bestow upon other classic texts.
It has been my experience teaching a university course on the Bible, that a close reading of the Bible is often hampered by several misconceptions. I ask my students -- as I ask readers of the book based on the course -- to correct five common misconceptions in order to encounter the Bible as if for the first time.

Just a quick note... updated

I am STILL trying to get all of my notes in from my retreat weekend!!!
As I update, the posts will still be falling on my blog timeline in chrono order. So if you are following that particular event, they will be down around Nov 1 through Nov 4th.
Thanks for your patience!
Love you all, and thanks for reading. As always, please feel free to comment, or initiate a dialogue.

Marked for the Use of God

New designs for ink to go on my inside forearms:

Left Arm: Rafael

Right Arm: Michael

Revelation turned Religion

"Christians have always tended to transform the Christian Revelation into a Christian religion. Christianity is said to be a religion like any other or, conversely, some Christians try to show that it is a better religion than the others. People attempt to take possession of God. Theology claims to explain everything, including the being of God. People tend to transform Christianity into a religion because the Christian faith obviously places people in an extremely uncomfortable position; that of freedom guided only by love, and all in the context of God’s radical demand that we be holy." –Jacques Ellul

+Message+

+God's time of wrath is over. He gave us CHRIST to put us on the path of righteousness. The path of Love, Compassion, Honesty, and Integrity. No more will He bring flood or fire to the earth. If we will not walk the path, He will let us burn ourselves out.+

Introductions

Good morning,
I would genuinely like to know a little about everyone who actually reads this page. I can see that I have readers in the US, the UK, Europe, and elsewhere.
If you wish and would be so kind, just say "Hi" here under Comments, and maybe, should you feel so inclined, say a bit about yourself. If you are disinclined to do so, then that is fine too.
God bless you all, and have an excellent day.
+Aaron Michael

A new Serenity Prayer

God, grant me the serenity
to accept the people I cannot change,
which is pretty much everyone,
since I’m clearly not you, God.
At least not the last time I checked.

And while you’re at it, God,
please give me the courage
to change what I need to change about myself,
which is frankly a lot, since, once again,
I’m not you, which means I’m not perfect.
It’s better for me to focus on changing myself
than to worry about changing other people,
who, as you’ll no doubt remember me saying,
I can’t change anyway.

Finally, give me the wisdom to just shut up
whenever I think that I’m clearly smarter
than everyone else in the room,
that no one knows what they’re talking about except me,
or that I alone have all the answers.
Basically, God,
grant me the wisdom
to remember that I’m
not you.
+Amen+

Fr. Jim Martin, S.J.

5:55am haunting...

5:55am... already awake but back in bed with C. A very clear and distinct "Hey." is whispered just above head level in the bedroom. "What?" "What what." You just said "Hey" in my ear." "Umm... no, I didn't, but I heard it too." Then "Hey." again. "There it was again." "I know, I heard it too." Quick analysis of the house determines that all three boys are still in bed and asleep. Dismiss as house noise and missing Boo noises. A few minutes later, I am up and dressed. As I walk through the sewing room heading for coffee, the sound of someone untangling themselves from the mess and and following behind be is heard. Enough so that I startle and my hackles raise.

!@#$ Not a fan of this sort of nonsense at anytime, but especially not before coffee. No, it was not Boo or Murphy or Alister. But it seems to be handled now.

A Prayer for Boo

This is the prayer that I gave for Boo, as my baby-girl slipped away.

In the Name of God the Father who created you and all other animals

In the name of Jesus the Son, who spoke of you in his parables and stories

In the name of the Holy Spirit, in whom every creature lives, moves, and has their being

Go now in peace, by dear friend Boo.

May you find rest near rushing waters

May you lie in cool green pastures

And may you warm yourself under the sun that never sets

You have been our constant companion

Our friend and our confidante

Our comfort and our playmate

You have filled our days with love, and given us endless joy

For this, we give thanks to God, who gave you to us

No my dear friend, return to your Maker, who eagerly awaits you

As you eagerly waited for us to return home each day

In the Happy Hunting Grounds, let there be no more pain

Let there be no more suffering

Let there be only light

Light as bright as the day you came into our world

For our help is in the name of the Lord, who made Heaven and Earth, and You.

Bless you and hold you Sweet Baboo

Bless you and hold you in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit

For ever and ever,

+AMEN+

Just this side of heaven...

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to

health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

Author unknown...

Sadness Part II

Today at 7:00pm, we will lay our sweet Baboo to rest. May St. Francis escort her into the Happy Hunting Grounds, and may she be reunited with her brother Murphy-dog forever. Run in rivers, sleep in caves, chase those squirrels and be the "wolf-dog" that you are in our hearts, for ever and ever. I love you baby girl. Sleep well.

So this is what it's supposed to feel like?

So my dear son managed to get himself suspended from school today for "inappropriate/agressive physical contact," third offense. I received the call around 1130am. They would keep him in custodial care (his special education classroom) until the end of the day today then he would be on Out-of-School suspension tomorrow. All of this with Fall Break coming up. Grand, eh?
So I come home early to be here to talk to him when he gets home (Celeste is down with bronchitis). Home he gets, and we have a very nice, calm, 45 minute talk. Just the facts, some alternative behavioral options, a little bit of come-to-Jesus. No tempers, no yelling, no lectures. A nice change of pace. I think I might be on to something here.
+PAX+

At what point...?

So I am sitting there with a coworker discussing her daughter's illness which has gone on now for over a month. She has been to specialists, had X-rays, CATscans, MRI's, and blood testes. She has met with the child's teachers and there is no indication of anything being wrong at school. The child is aware that she is sick, but doesn't know why either. The only thing left (other than taking her to see Dr. House) is a psychiatrist.
So the though pops into my head "At what point does one advise a friend of the possibility of demonic possession and to seek the council of a Priest.?" Hmm...

A dream in black and white

I had a dream the other night that I had awakened in the morning and was sitting on my the edge of the bed. I think I was getting, or preparing to get dressed, when Celeste handed me my shirt. It was a Roman collar shirt. I broke down into tears, both sadness and joy because I realized at that moment that I truly wanted to be a priest. Joy because in the dream, it was like it had already happened and Celeste was handing me my shirt to wear for the first time. Sadness because I have all but given up on that particular pursuit. Now I don't know what to do.
I forgot about the dream until last night when I was telling Celeste about something I was reading from The Jesuit Guide. I went to tell her about it, but she had already fallen asleep.

What Days do Glorious Wonders Seek...

What days do Glorious Wonders seek,

When what we seek are days of glorious wonder?

What does God wonder,

Even as we wander in the wonderment of God?

I cry out to you, ADONAI!

As my sleep is broken, and I wake.

Not to the morning sun, or from the dark of night,

But to the dawn of my realization of You.

Walk with me oh, Lord,

As I put my foot upon the path that you have laid before me.

Into realms unknown by man, nor beast, nor God?

For into a new world we tread,

A world created by You through me,

and I through You.

Together, forever...

+AMEN+

Arin Michael Dove, 2012

This poem was written near the conclusion of my weekend retreat at the Ignatius House. For me it sums up the whole of my experience over the past four days. I even managed to work up the nerve to get up and read it aloud to the congregation at our final meeting on Sunday.

Thank you everyone at The Ignatius House Retreat Center, and thank you everyone who came this weekend seeking God. Every one you you touched my spirit in some way.

May God keep you all in good Grace.

Day IV - Winning the Game

The things that we fear, that we want God to fix, that we get mad at God for not fixing (in our eyes) are things of this world, not spiritual things.
While this statement might be true, it is of little consolation.
The sooner we really get our heads wrapped around the idea that that we are playing at a much bigger game than this life on this Earth, the better chance we have of winning it.

Visions

When I was about 12, I went to an intensive (a very compact retreat) at the Ashram where my father and step-mother attended. During one of the meditations, I had a vision of the Blue Pearl. This was considered among the highest achievements of Siddha Yoga meditative practice. Consequently, I was told that I could not have had that vision at such a young age, and that I must have imagined it. Needless to say, I was crushed, but I never said anything about it again. Since then, I have experienced "Kundalini"rushes... incidents where my field of vision will fill with brilliantly glowing gold sparks. I have never told anyone bout this either, but I have experienced them to this day.
At my retreat in November, during two different meditations, I had very clear visions. Not like the imaginings of the minds eye when ones eyes are closed, but more of a being present in the same space as that which you are seeing.

Please forgive my sorrowful attempts to translate what I saw onto paper, and perhaps someday I will sit down and recreate the images, but in the meantime:

In this vision, I was standing at the bottom of a rocky and leaf strewn (like in late autumn) hill, looking up at a cave. The perspective in this image is terrible. The bottom row of stones would have been the leading edge of the ledge, and the other stones, set back and being the edges of the mouth of the cave. The interior of the cave was impenetrable black, and blocking the entrance was a cross of white wood.

In another vision, during a different meditation, I saw a candle in the darkness, radiating a circle of light (as a candle might do in a fog), but the gradients between the levels of emanation were almost tangible:

Then, the candle changed into the head of an iron spear, and the colour of the light changed from whitish blue, to red:

I do not have interpretations for these visions. I only have that they were, and that they were strong enough with me to inspire me to sketch them up.