Tell me all your thoughts on God: Mysticism

Showing posts with label Mysticism. Show all posts

Sunday, November 4, 2012

What Days do Glorious Wonders Seek...

What days do Glorious Wonders seek,

When what we seek are days of glorious wonder?

What does God wonder,

Even as we wander in the wonderment of God?

I cry out to you, ADONAI!

As my sleep is broken, and I wake.

Not to the morning sun, or from the dark of night,

But to the dawn of my realization of You.

Walk with me oh, Lord,

As I put my foot upon the path that you have laid before me.

Into realms unknown by man, nor beast, nor God?

For into a new world we tread,

A world created by You through me,

and I through You.

Together, forever...

+AMEN+

Arin Michael Dove, 2012

This poem was written near the conclusion of my weekend retreat at the Ignatius House. For me it sums up the whole of my experience over the past four days. I even managed to work up the nerve to get up and read it aloud to the congregation at our final meeting on Sunday.

Thank you everyone at The Ignatius House Retreat Center, and thank you everyone who came this weekend seeking God. Every one you you touched my spirit in some way.

May God keep you all in good Grace.

Saturday, November 3, 2012

Visions

When I was about 12, I went to an intensive (a very compact retreat) at the Ashram where my father and step-mother attended. During one of the meditations, I had a vision of the Blue Pearl. This was considered among the highest achievements of Siddha Yoga meditative practice. Consequently, I was told that I could not have had that vision at such a young age, and that I must have imagined it. Needless to say, I was crushed, but I never said anything about it again. Since then, I have experienced "Kundalini"rushes... incidents where my field of vision will fill with brilliantly glowing gold sparks. I have never told anyone bout this either, but I have experienced them to this day.
At my retreat in November, during two different meditations, I had very clear visions. Not like the imaginings of the minds eye when ones eyes are closed, but more of a being present in the same space as that which you are seeing.

Please forgive my sorrowful attempts to translate what I saw onto paper, and perhaps someday I will sit down and recreate the images, but in the meantime:

In this vision, I was standing at the bottom of a rocky and leaf strewn (like in late autumn) hill, looking up at a cave. The perspective in this image is terrible. The bottom row of stones would have been the leading edge of the ledge, and the other stones, set back and being the edges of the mouth of the cave. The interior of the cave was impenetrable black, and blocking the entrance was a cross of white wood.

In another vision, during a different meditation, I saw a candle in the darkness, radiating a circle of light (as a candle might do in a fog), but the gradients between the levels of emanation were almost tangible:

Then, the candle changed into the head of an iron spear, and the colour of the light changed from whitish blue, to red:

I do not have interpretations for these visions. I only have that they were, and that they were strong enough with me to inspire me to sketch them up.

Day 3, Lect 8 - Passion

Readings: Jn 19:25-27 Mk 15:22-41 Lk 23:44-49 Phil 2:5-11

The conversion experience is a continuing process. It is continual and ever renewing. Each morning when I wake, I have to decide to pick up my cross and carry it, or I can decide to lay it down and walk away. Now, by this, I do not mean to imply that bearing my cross is always a bad thing. It is simply making the conscious decision to try to walk with God that day, to lay down and turn away from my sins, to bear my burdens, and to be continually thankful to God for all of the good things that I have, and thank Him for the lessons to be learned from the bad.

When Jesus was crucified, it was because he was a political and religious dissident. He was showing the people a new way to live, think, and love, and that threatened to turn the Hebrew and well as the Roman establishment on its ear. So they arrested him on more or less trumped up charges, beat him, humiliated him, tortured him, denigrated him, and ultimately executed him. And all the while he maintained his connection to God. All of these things that man could do to him would not, and could not break his connection to God; break his spirit. All of this he suffered without anger. Without thoughts of revenge. To the very end, even as his spirit left him, he showed compassion.

All of this suffering is us. We are the arrested, the tortured, the beaten, the denigrated, and humiliated, the sick, the damaged and broken, and even sometimes the executed. Every one of us experiences some of this in our lifetime. And He experienced it all for us all at once. Why?

So that He could be the very embodiment of compassion. He came here to experience being Human. What does it mean to be these things that I made? What do they do, how do they live, how do they love, laugh, suffer, cry, and even die? How I can I love them if I don't know them, and how can they love me if they don't know me? So He came to us, in the form of a human male, Yeshua bin Yoseph of Nazareth. He walked with us for 33 some odd years. Lived as we live, loved as we love, laughed, cried, suffered, and died, as we laugh, cry, suffer, and die. As we do. And as he did, the sought to show US the nature of God. A God of love, compassion, honesty, and integrity. A God that now understood what it meant to be human, and so that Humans could understand what it meant to be as God.

In the end , he suffered and died on the cross. But even as he did, he suffered and died in solidarity with and with compassion for all of mankind's suffering. And what happened? He overcame it. He rose. He became God again. This is our fate. This is our mission, our journey, our destination, our destiny. If only we will learn the lessons that He taught us, and walk in His footsteps, carry His/Our crosses, whatever they may be.

+BLESSINGS+

Friday, November 2, 2012

Session with a Spiritual Director

with Fr. Edward, S.J.

Talked about my family history, my relationship with my mom and with Dave. We talked about mine and mom's mental and emotional issues, and the hardships that we went through.
We talked extensively about my temper, and the things I might do to manage it including; working with the kids. Finding ways that they can help me. Working with Celeste. Making her the referee. If she calls a HOLD then it's a HOLD. Talked a little bit about prayer. To my children I am to be Father, Priest, and King.

We spoke of +RAPHAEL+ and my experiences with Him. That was difficult for me, and Edward chided me a bit for my concern over confiding to a priest. He recommended me to read Ezk 1-2.

We talked a bit about vocation and my call towards priesthood. Obviously the Jesuits are out of the question. He advised me to follow the idea that man was created to Praise, Reverence, and Serve the Lord. That is first. The consider what work will help me on towards that.

All in all it was a very helpful meeting, and I am thankful to God for it.

+PAX+

Day 2 Lect. 5 - Cleaning the Bigger Lens: Structures and "isms"

Structures and "isms"

In this session we discussed government, organizational, and social sin. Even as Jesus was suffering at the hands of his persecutors, so was Peter "keeping warm by the fire" of his denial. How often do WE "kept warm" while we we know that others were suffering?

We may not be able to fix everything, "there will be poor always" sang Ted Neely in Jesus Christ Superstar, but we need to be aware of what is happening around us.

How do we respond to the call of the cold, the hungry, the thirsty and the oppressed? How do we serve as the hands and feet of Christ in the world?

What can we do? What can *I* do?

It is not easy to think of these things. It is hard to get our minds out of our comfort zone. But we really do need to look at it, but it can be hard to see>

What are we afraid of? WHO are we afraid of?
Who do we have a difficult time seeing?
How do I become more compassionate towards those less fortunate than I?

Think about the was in which we generalize people. By groups, race, gender, religion, social strata.

We have to start by really looking at these things under a microscope and being honest with ourselves about them. This is probably the hardest part of these seminars so far for me. I like to think of myself as not being prejudiced, as being compassionate towards all, but I know that I am not. I have more prejudices than I care to admit.
It is only then that we can truly clean the bigger lens, see more clearly, more broadly, more deeply, so that we may love more completely.

Notes from the Scriptures:
Isiah 58- The misguided fasting of the self-righteous and God's instruction on the proper fast.
Sounds like big government and politics.

John 8:1-11- Jesus, the Stoning of an Adulteress, and the Pharisees
Let us not judge, for we are imperfect ourselves. People who live in glass houses...

Micah 6:1-8 What does God want of us?
Not our sacrifices, not our works He wants us to Love and be Loved and walk humbly with Him.

James 2:1-5 Favouring the Rich Man over the Poor Man
Do we not do this every day? Do we not gravitate towards those people who we think are more like us, or can do more for us? Sometimes (often) we see only what material benefit a person has to offer without ever being aware of the spiritual gifts that one might have to offer.

Luke 7:36-50 A Sinner Forgiven (Tears and Hair)
Even with greater sin, so is there greater forgiveness. The self-righteous do not see their own sins.

Day 2 Lect. 4 - Cleaning the Lens: That I May See

Cleaning the Lens, that I may see...

Scripture readings:
John 8- The Adulterous Woman
John 9- Jesus, the Blind man, and the Pharasees
Romans 5- We have been justified by Faith
Psalm 32- Blessed are the Forgiven

Cleaning the Lens is about being able to view our faults, and our sins, through the lens of God's Love, rather than through the lens of Man's guilt.

One of the biggest "turn-offs" for people on Christianity is the whole Sin and Guilt thing. Who can blame them? Nobody wants to admit on their own that they are flawed, and they damn sure don't want somebody else telling them that they are flawed.

But if we can get past our Egos long enough, we can really examine our lives and our thoughts and really admit that we have issues (some greater than others, some lesser, it really doesn't matter). Once we can do that, coupled with the knowledge that God loves us, wholly, unconditionally, no matter what, and that He wants us to change (metanoia) so that we may be closer to Him, it suddenly becomes clearer and easier that there is a real opportunity to have a real relationship with God. One that is based on Love and not guilt and fear.
Remember... God does not condemn us for our sins... we do.

We are going to use the word "sin" here, as it is part of the vernacular, but it must be understood that "sin" is not doing things that the Bible says that we should not do (although that can be part of it), but sin is doing those things which are counter survival, and/or counter to bringing us closer to God. Sin is not "breaking the LAW OF GOD, therefore YOU are GOING to HAAEEEELLLLL!!!... Umm, no... Sin is "hamartia"... missing the target. Error. It is correctable. I was really quite (pleasently) suprised to even read the Wikipedia not on the origin of the word:

"In Abrahamic contexts, sin is the act of violating God's will. Sin can also be viewed as anything within individuals that violates the ideal relationship between them and God.

"The word derives from “Old English syn(n), for original sunjō,... The stem may be related to that of Latin sons, sont-is guilty. In Old English there are examples of the original general sense, 'offense, wrong-doing, misdeed.' The Biblical terms that have been translated from Greek and Hebrew literally refer to missing a target, i.e. error."

Once we can honestly confront our sins, we can begin the process of "metanoia" or change of heart and mind. "There is nothing 'once and for all' in a decision to change." The process takes time, and patience, and discipline, and the willingness to stay open to God and let Him help you.

Ignatius talks about Attachment and Indifference. Iggy's idea on indifference is de-tachment from those things that keep us from God.
What are WE attached to that keeps us from God?

The Sin of Separation
We talked about sin as "what separates us from one another?" How do we relate to our fellow man, especially when there is cause for stress in the relationship. These stresses can be: Attitudes, judgements, preconceptions, lack of compassion. Lack of Affinity. (See my entry on Affinity, Reality, and Communication, ARC)

We were asked to examine areas or people in out lives that we had trouble with in this department. For me it is p-eople that I have communication barriers with, either through their having a learning disability, a language barrier, or their being say... a dog. I have a problem with homeless people. I feel bad for them, but I find that I have to wall up my compassion for them lest I give them the clothes off my back. (I have had too many unfortunate run in's with the homeless to NOT put up a wall between myself and them. Something I suppose I should work on.)

We are meant to be CHRIST in the world. We are meant to be a LIGHT. We cannot keep ourselves covered up with a basket.

The Sin of Self Neglect
There must be a balance between serving others and taking care of OUR needs.

What things in my life am I attached to that are actually harmful to me?
What loops play over and over in my mind that keep me down? Harpies?
What or WHO is my sabatuer?

How am I honouring the Gift of Me?

*God will forgive us if we forgive us. Can we forgive ourselves and turn away from those things that we know are not of God?*

From John 9-
We get so hung up on our own preconceived notions, or rigid thoughts, that we fail to see the miracle standing right in front of us.

From Romans 5-
We have been justified by faith.
Rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that
   Suffering leads to endurance
   Endurance builds character
   Character developes hope
   Hope will not shame us as God's Love has been poured into us.
We are reconciled to God by God's love for us, even as we were sinners before Jesus' death.
As one sin lead to condemnation and spiritual death, so does one act of righteousness lead to salvation and eternal spiritual life.

From Psalm 32-
Blessed are the forgiven says David. Confess your sins to God, be forgiven, and sin no more. Rejoice in the Lord and know that you are forgiven!

But confession and forgiveness must be followed by change. We must remain vigilant and disciplined to not fall back into the sleep of this world.

On the Role of Saints

Looking back, I do not remember the source of this revelation... if I was reading a book at the time, or listening to a lecture, or simply praying:

On Saints...
Praying to, or invoking a Saint, is asking that Saint to guide you, lend you his or her strength or wisdom, or more importantly, asking them to pray to God *with* you, when you feel you do not have the strength to do it alone.

Day Two Lect. 3 : Principle and Foundation

We believe that God creates all things and that we may find in them God's presence and energy by learning to share our lives with other people and care for our kinship with all all that wonderfully shares and supports our lives.

How has creation been the "hiding place and revelation of God" for you?
What have you "learned" about God from looking at creation?
Reflection: As Christians we believe we come from a loving God who freely creates us to discover the mystery of God's love in our lives.

Sacramentality: The view that God is in all things in the world.

God is found in all things, great and small.

All of the Earth, including ourselves, are given to us so that we may find God.

Lectio Divina (Divine Reading)- practice of scriptural reading, meditation and prayer intended to promote communion with God and to increase the knowledge of God's Word. It does not treat Scripture as texts to be studied, but as the Living Word.
Traditionally Lectio Divina has 4 separate steps: read, meditate, pray and contemplate. First a passage of Scripture is read, then its meaning is reflected upon. This is followed by prayer and contemplation on the Word of God.
     1. What does it say?
     2. What does it say to YOU?
     3. How do you respond to it?
     4. Be still, contemplative.

Spirit and matter are one. Is not matter made of energy? Is not Spirit made of energy? Is not God... Energy? God is in, of, and IS everything!
God is revealed in everything!
By holding a duelistic viewpoint:
     Secular vs. Sacred
     Profane vs. Holy
     Matter vs. Spirit
is to limit God.

I only started to really recognize God in and as nature when I started hiking with Celeste. I understood it even more when I had the "Big Bang Cognition." The Big Bang as the beginning of God's Creation: "Let there BE..."

Q?: How is it that what I am learning here seems so radically removed from what I always though I knew about Catholicism?

Notes from recommended scriptural readings:

Hos 11:1-4
Despite our faults, despite our stubbornness, God will still love us. He will not give up on us.

Rom 1:19-20
God shows Himself to us plainly in the everyday world. We must CHOOSE to see it!

Day 2 Lect. 2 "Who are You, oh God, and Who am I?"

Notes from Lecture 2 - Who are You, Oh God, and Who am I?

The questions for this lecture were:
What images of advance or detract from your relationship with God?
What would you like to say to God about that?
Who best personifies God's love for you? (God with Skin reference.)
What prevents you from receiving God's love?

I will attempt to answer these, and similar questions from other lectures through what will probably come out as a chaotic smattering of quotes, notes, references, insights (from then and now), and seemingly nonsensical whimsies. Some of these things I will elaborate of in future entries.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

God loves us wholly, unconditionally, no matter what.

If only we could see each other, shining like the sun with the love of God.

My "God with Skin" is Celeste. Her strength, her love, her never-ending devotion to those she loves. It is said that God loves you at least as much as the person who loves you most. Well, if God loves me at least as much as I love Celeste, then I am a pretty lucky guy.

God is more for us than we are for ourselves.

God is Universal, God is God, God Is.
Sometimes trying to think of God gives me vertigo. Like trying to comprehend the infinite vastness of space. But then sometimes God is a pinprick of light, but a point that contains all of the energy that ever was and ever will be. I cannot thing of God in human terms except through CHRIST.

As for Jesus... He is my coach, my coffee mate, my friend and my guide.

Maybe if God really was able to be personified, it would be easier to understand His will and His doings and His purposes.(There was a lot of talk as God as Santa- Always seeing who is good, and who is bad, and meting out justice accordingly. Or God as Father; loving disciplinarian. There was no talk of God as Daddy (Abba) which I am in retrospect grateful for, because that particular viewpoint grinds my nerves for some reason. Although after doing a bit of research, it turns out that Abba is not really equal to Daddy (as it is commonly used in seeker churches). It does (or can) carry a more respectful weight to it if that makes any sense.)

Sometimes the idea of Zen does seem easier because it holds no sense of urgency. No compelling drive that says we have a limited amount of time at our disposal. Use it wisely.

On Celeste being my God with Skin... Sometimes so much so that if I had to choose between Her and God, I don't know if I would know how to respond.

The chaos, the busyness, the constant hum of activity in my life is a constant barrier between me and my relationship with God. THAT is why I am HERE! :-) (I remember writing this. I was in my Hidey-hole and it came upon me like a revelation. There was an immense sense of Presence, Calm, Joy, in that statement.)

Day 2- Rough Night and Remorse

9 hours of sleep... my bed is horribly uncomfortable (toooo soft), and my shower was broken (They fixed it very quickly). Other than that, so far I am enjoying myself.

Experiencing some reservations about oversharing my experiences with people.
At the social last night, I met a woman named Diane. We got to talking, and by the end of the conversation, I had told her about my conversion experience. I always feel very uncomfortable with that. As if I am telling something that is supposed to be kept secret. I think I need to explore this a little more deeply.

Thursday, November 1, 2012

Wherever you find Him

Every day, a boy went wandering in the woods near his home. After a while, his father grew concerned about whether it was safe for him to be out there so much. One day, the father asked; "What are you doing out in those woods, son?" And his son replied, "That's where I go to look for God." The father thought for a moment and said "Why in those woods, son? God is the same wherever you find him." But the boy looked at his father and said, "I know dad... but I'm not."

An Unspeakable Secret

"Here is an unspeakable secret: Paradise is all around us, and we do not understand." -Thomas Merton

Day 1 Lecture 1 - Is God Lost?

Day One- Lecture 1
Introduction-: Is God Lost?

I came here this weekend with no expectations. As I told my wife, if I get 72 hours of uninterrupted sleep, I will have gotten something good out of it. Anything else will be bonus.

Modern life keeps us always going at a breakneck pace. Physical noise, spiritual noise, psychic noise, noise, noise, noise, noise noise... What needs quieting? I do. I can't seem to figure out how to turn off the internal TC and radio long enough to even consider that God might want to tell me something, much less what it might be.

I am here seeking God, and therefore myself.

"An Unspeakable Secret..."

"Boy in the woods..."

The Prayer of St. Ignatius of Loyola

Take, Lord, and receive all my liberty,
my memory, my understanding
and my entire will,
All I have and call my own.

You have given all to me.
To you, Lord, I return it.

Everything is yours; do with it what you will.
Give me only your love and your grace.
That is enough for me.

Retreat Day 1 - 01 November 2012

Ignatius Hose Jesuit Retreat Center
November 1-4, 2012

Arrived around 1545 and got settled in. They were very gracious about moving me to a downstairs room when they say me walking with my cane.

Rested, for a bit, then wandered the grounds, the bookstore, and the library, then retired to my quarters to meditate.

Attended 1730 All Saints Day Mass. Very nice. I had very little trouble following along, even without a guidebook. Not so unlike Anglican Mass. I felt no stress to "keep up". I just flowed with it as the spirit moved me.

This is an absolutely beautiful place. Celeste- I cannot wait for you to see it.

The main Chapel sits on the edge of the bluff over the Chattahoochee River. The whole back wall is glass so that you are looking out into the canopy of the trees. The sun setting in the tree tops was beautiful.

Off to the Social.

Very noisy. Met a woman from South Carolina named Diane. Very nice woman. Cancer survivor. Excellent conversation. Told her a little about my history. This was her second trip here to the Ignatius House.
Great food!

After the Social we met at the Chapel for the official start of the retreat with an Orientation Lecture.