Tapped...

Was at CCC for service this morning, and during one of the praise songs, I found myself irritated that it was all about Jesus, with no deference to God. This is not the first time that this thought has crossed my mind. Now I know that God and Jesus are supposed to be One, but to proclaim Jesus as the "author of the Universe" just seemed absurd to me. The IDEA, the SALVATION, was created in the dark recesses before time as we know it...

TAP
That familiar feeling of nausea, vertigo, and being sucked out of my place in time and space washed over me like and avalanche...

***Sophia warned God that creating Man was a bad idea. CHRIST was created as a fail-safe.***

And then He was gone, leaving me disoriented with a strong need for a hard-boiled egg and a pint of Gatorade.

Misplaced Childhood

I am having no small difficulty with this Spiritual Timeline assignment from my EfM class. I am having to go back and remember details from my childhood that I would really rather leave locked in my precious Chinese box. I But, will chop wood and carry water, and get through it, and perhaps when it is done, I will have gleaned something positive from it.

Lament

I am remorseful that I cannot seem to find the time or the quiet space to meditate, and cannot seem to find the focus for prayer. Thoughts flash like lightning, swift and powerful through my mind, but then are gone and leave me saddened that I could not hold on to them longer. I am distracted by the world, as good of a world that it is, but I need my time in the desert.

EfM Week 2

Very interesting and exciting subject matter this week. We... (okay, "I") studied the JEDP Documentary Hypothesis ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Documentary_hypothesis ) and the difference and relationships between myth, legend, saga, and history as they pertain to the Old Testament ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christian_mythology ).
Hopefully I will find time to expound upon this sometime this week. Right now, I am off to bed.

Overwhelmed

Working on my EfM studies tonight and am feeling completely overwhelmed. And it's only the first week. I was so proud of all of the hand written notes that I took on the first lesson, but as I go back and try to answer the questions in the Study Guide, I find that my notes are nearly incomprehensible. Here it is Wednesday already, and I have not even started on my lesson two material. I hope that I am not in over my head. It makes the idea of going back to actual college classes very discouraging.

Forgiveness

Had a conversation this evening about "forgiveness." The question raised was; is forgiving someone who has done you wrong, without their admitting (or even being willing to acknowledge) their wrong doing the same as letting them be right?
Discuss.

On Responsible Christianity: Part 1

I have been thinking a lot lately on the concept of what I call "responsible Christianity." What does that mean? What does it mean to me? Or you? Or Bob?
I can only answer the question of what it means to me.

Part 1: Know your History and the History of your Religion
There is a lot of talk about the infallibility of the bible. That it is the original and true Word of God, as set down  thousands of years ago. We now know this to simply not be true. We know that the Old Testament is a compilation of stories, histories, and legends, and mythologies, handed down by word of mouth by the Hebrew people for centuries upon centuries before finally being collected and compiled into its present form. Mind you, a great deal of care was taken in the early centuries of the Common Era to ensure that the existing texts were copied accurately, but careful examination of surviving historic texts show countless errors in copy, translation, and interpretation.
Now, this is not to say that the Old Testament is not worthy of being considered important or even Sacred scripture. It is an excellent account of the moral and sociological history of the Hebrews/Israelites. It encompasses the traditions of the people and their relationship with God, and is their ultimate handbook for good living.
But it would be irresponsible to say that the OT as we have it is as it has always been and shall always be. Just look at the differences in the English translations that we have. The King James Version, the Standard Revised Version, the International Version, the Standard English Version, and the list goes on and on, etc., ad nauseum... So if the Word is the Final Word on the subject, which version of The Word is it?
(There is also the issue of the number of books and sties that were ultimately left out of the canon, but we will save that for a different post.)
The MESSAGE of the book is what is enduring. But even that is open to interpretation. Do you interpret the text literally, or do you read the metaphor behind the message? Or both? Do you take The Word at face value, regardless of archeological support or explanation, or do you look at the physical evidence and find the balance between the two.
The Book is a Good Book. But it is a work of Man, inspired by God. But a work of Man none the less.
These are the kinds of things that I look at when I consider the idea of Practicing Responsible Christianity.

In preparation for the class that I will be starting in September, I spent the majority of the evening at REV Coffee studying the origins and general timeline of the Old Testament, from Abraham's departure from Ur to the Intertestamental Period.
The material covered not just a summary of events, but also the general history of how the Old Testament came to be in its present form from its stories in oral tradition to being collected into a canonical text.

The Lost Gospels, BBC Documentary

Interesting BBC documentary on the lost gospels of early Christianity.

On YouTube in 9 parts.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-L7cQ3BrD5U

This I believe...

This train of though started back on 11/28/10, and has been added to at various times since then, and will continue to be added to, subtracted from, and modified as time progresses. These thoughts are stream of consciousness drives, and fall in no particular order.

I believe that God is not a He or a She or even an It. God IS. God is the ultimate IS-NESS.
I believe that we have to quantify God in order for our minds to understand and relate to "Him." (My use of the word "Him" is for convenience sake, and not a statement of the gender of the man or of the Infinite.)

I believe in the Angels and Archangels as creations of God. Sparks of the infinite, willed into existence for a specific purpose.

I believe that the universe came into being through the First Postulate (First Thought, First Word).

I believe that God gave us Christ through Jesus to teach us the way of peace, brotherhood, forgiveness and unity.

I believe that "salvation" comes not only from accepting Jesus's death for our sins, but in truly understanding Christ's resurrection, and the teachings that came before and after.

I believe that Hell (the act, not the place) is created by the sinner as punishment for their own shortcomings.

I believe in Heaven (The Ultimate state if Isness) as the ultimate goal of the Spirit of Man.

I believe that The Bible,  a compilation of stories, histories, mythologies, and inspired works; inspired by God, but written my man, and authorized by man; is meant to serve as a handbook for living a better life.

I believe that other "inspired works," that were systematically removed from the canon of scripture and ultimately (mostly) destroyed, are worthy of historical, academic, and spiritual consideration.

I believe that God helps those who help themselves. I believe that we have been shown the way, but it is up to us to act upon it.
I do not believe that God or Christ would have us surrender our strength, our free-will, or our sense of personal responsibility.

I believe that "Evil" was created in the universe long before The Fall.
I believe that "The Devil" as we have come to call it, is the antithesis of the Holy Spirit.


I believe that man does not necessarily need "The Devil" to do evil. Some men are capable of committing atrocities that would make even "The Devil" blush.

I believe that God created Man in His own image, and Man, being the gentleman that he is, returned the favor.

To be continued.... always...

The way Some People Think, CCC

If we all lived as though the Lord WAS coming, we would all be a whole lot nicer to each other.

In a nut-shell...

It is interesting, going back through the journal that I have been keeping for the last few years, how some of my viewpoints have changed. Some of them in major ways, some of them very subtly. **All posts prior to this moment (and this moment... and this moment...) are subject to change in perspective without notice (although I will try to keep up with them as best I can.)**

I thought it might be pertinent to give a little background information on who I am and why I am doing this.
I was raised in a non religious family. Both of my parents (my Mom and Step Dad) are agnostic. I spent my summers in New York (with my Dad and Step Mom) from the age of six to sixteen in a Hindu Ashram.
I went to church occasionally as a child; Catholic Church when I would spend the weekend at my best friends house, and Southern Baptist church when I would spend time with any of my varied grand and great-grandparents.
As a teenager, I started studying the occult, and western European pagan religions. I spent well over fifteen years as a practicing Wiccan/Pagan, going so far as to very nearly completing formal studies to become a Wiccan High Priest.
I was introduced to Scientology in in the late 90's, and found that it changed my perspectives on things. A lot of Scientology makes sense, and there are still a lot of its premises and practices that I still adhere to. (You may be surprised at how much Scientology has in common with the underlying ideas of paganism and even Christianity). I left off being an active Scientologist due to my disagreements with the church's administration.
In the Spring of 2007, I had an incident (or a series of incidents) that changed everything, both in my spiritual life and in my physical life (more on this in a future post). This led me, over the last five years, over a very rocky path to where I am now.
Ultimately, this journal will go back to that first incident in the Spring of 2007, in hopes that I may make some sort of sense of it all.
I am not here to preach the Gospel. I am not here to proselytize. I am here to talk about my experiences. Perhaps through others reading this blog, they will provide insight that will further my spiritual journey. And perhaps my experiences will help others with theirs.

Just a note...

After posting several back dated entries, and updating my blog description, I realized that I am feeling a little defensive about this. I have many friends who are Christan, and many who are of other faiths and practices. Someone said to me today; "I can't imagine how uncomfortable it must be for you, and the rest, to deal with the public perception...". It is not "the public" that I am uncomfortable with. The Public does not know my faith. I am much more uncomfortable sharing this with my friends. Some of my experiences may be seen as unconventional, or even unbelievable. But I am doing it anyway, in hopes that I may gain some insight from my loving and caring friends.
That's all I've got for now. I'm going to bed.

Am I/I am a Christian./?

If I had to base my belief as a Christian on the image projected by high-profile media political and pop-culture Christians, I could not be one. Gandhi once said: "I like your Christ, but not your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ." I try to life my life day based on my understanding of God and Christ. Not other peoples interpretation of God and Christ.

From the depths of Heaven
My soul falls to the
Heights of Hell.
I stand here on my mountain top
starring up at the diamond studded,
black velvet underside of Heaven.
Milton once told me that it was "Better to reign than to serve."
What do I reign over now? Who do I now serve?

What is the Truth about God?
Who decided what the Truth about God was?

Jesus-Christ-God-Self

Jesus~Christ
Jesus=Christ
Jesus//Christ
          Christ~God
          Christ=God
          Christ//God
                     God~Self
                     God=Self
                     God//Self

Mirages and Oasises

Lord, I feel that the end of my long journey is in sight, yet my destination seems to forever shimmer on the horizon mike a mirage. I ask you to guide me on the straight path and lead me to the oasis of my solace.

A Scientological Approarch

The goal of every living organism in this universe is ultimately Survival. From survival as itself as an individual organism to becoming one again with all of creation, the goal is the same.

Good and Bad, Right and Wrong, Righteousness and Sin can all be said to be measured by how Pro-Survival or Anti-Survival any particular action is across the Dynamics.

When evaluating your thoughts and deeds, actions that are good for more dynamics than no, could be considered to be Good, or Pro-Survival Actions. Actions that would adversely effect more of the Dynamics than not would be considered to be Bad, or Anti-Survival actions.

This is pretty straight forward stuff.

We exist and survive and strive to achieve perfection across eight planes, or Dynamics:
1. Self- Survival as Self: Who we are as human beings. Our personalities, our bodies, our minds.
2. Family/Sex- Our survival into the future through procreation. Our selection of a partner. Our our relationship with our immediate family.
3. Groups- Our survival as and of groups. Large or small groups. We are social animals. We need groups. This could be your co-workers, your social groups, your neighborhood, your city, your country, your race.
4. Mankind- Survival of and as Mankind.
5. All Life- The survival of and as part of all life on the planet (or in the cosmos)
6. Physical Universe- Survival of and as part of the physical universe. Matter-Energy-Space-Time.
7. Spirituality- Survival as a spiritual being and of spiritual beings
8. Infinity (Supreme Beingness, God, etc...)- Survival towards regaining unity with God

 **********************************************************************

In relations with others, a formula can be observed. This same formula can be applied to you relationship with God:

The ARC Triangle represents the relationship between Affinity (your willingness to be close to something), Reality (your agreement or understanding with/of something) and Communication (your ability to talk, or other wise communicate about something.
It is a truth, that when one corner of the triangle drops, the others follow suite.
Communication is the pinnacle of this process. Through Communication, Reality is established. With reality comes Affinity (or at the very least an acceptance of what something is.)

I will update this more soon.

Faith is not about believing in the power of God to help you.
Faith is about believing in the power of God WITHIN you to help yourself!

************************************************************

God is the ultimate ISNESS.
All other gods have been but ASPECTS. That which were needed by a particular people, in a particular place, at a particular time.

***********************************************************

The Gods of Man are limited in time and space. They are temporal.

Today has been an uphill struggle to get to church. Particularly with the boys. The usual kids-not doing-what-they-are-told-to-do stuff.

I got introduced the other day to someone as The Preacher!?!
I was so taken aback, that I had no response but to shake the man's hand, smile, and beat a hasty retreat for the door.
I wanted it to be true. I would love to go back to school for my BA in Theology, or even seminary.
There is a comfort in the idea. An idea that I am afraid will never manifest itself into a reality. That makes me very sad, and I am forced to lock that into my precious Chinese box.

I am okay now. Coming to terms with my own thoughts, dobts and fears.
There are times that I feel Him beside me, and there are times that I simply know He is out there somewhere.
I am protected by Him and His Holy Host of Angels.

And today I shall leave behind all of my fear and sorrow and regret and make myself the promise of seeking only a better tomorrow.

Still trying to decide...

As I sit here in the bedroom, still trying to decide if getting baptized tomorrow is the right thig and the right time...
I find C's Angel Cards on the bed.
I somewhat reluctantly pick them up and peruse the guide book. I choose my four cards and lay them face down.
1. Ariel- Psychic awakening, mysterie, healing.
2. The Caduceus: Raphael's Staff: Grounding, integration, polarity, balance.
3. Pistis Sophia: Realization of life's potential.
4. Tabris/Oriel: Choice, finding the door to the Light. Free Will. Destiny.

Hmm...

Easter Sunday

Rough morning at Church this morning.
What is it about allowing Jesus into my life that I am so afraid of?
I want to get baptized next Sunday, but I am afraid to.
I want to allow... to accept Jesus Christ into my life, but am afraid to.
WHY?
I cried and prayed and cried through church today.
I try to pray, but my thoughts wander...
I want... I need my week in a cabin... my forty days in the desert...

Afraid to get baptized

My fear of Baptism within a church is the expectations of being dedicated to THAT church's idea of Christ. The weight of the expectation of others.

What of MY Christ? What of MY God? What of MY EXPECTATIONS?!?

Palm Sunday 2011

From a TV sermon this morning: "The Holy Spirit is bestowed upon recipients in different ways; some with knowledge, some with faith, some with prophesy, some with tongues."

I am having difficulty with my "faith." Christ is a spiritual fact, but I do not FEEL the Christ within me. I am envious of those who do. I am envious of those who feel this all-encompassing peace that seems to come with Faith in Christ. This I do not have.
One the drive to church this morning, I seemed to hear a voice. A message: "Yours is not the place of faith. Your role is once of the skeptic and scholar, and one of knowledge."
It was very difficult to concentrate on this, what with driving and all.

I came to church today at my wife's prompting.
It is far more for the boy's sake than what I am getting out of it. I like the sermons here, but I am not feeling any sense of spiritual fulfillment from it. I WANT TO FEEL DAMNIT!!!
I am feeling detached and lost again. And I hate it. There HAS to be something more than this.
     True Self - Truth of being yourself - of being spiritual - of worship - is your soul's link to God

I wonder if I am over analyzing things again?

Notes from our Angelic Visitation

Angelic Visitation

Preface: My dad called me one day prior to this and asked me if I would accept the gift of an angelic visitation from him and Patty. He explained that someone offered him the same gift, and the price was to pass it on to someone else. I reluctantly accepted. When the designated night came, Celeste put out offerings and lit candles, but I was still incredulous. Then the clock struck 11, the wind picked up suddenly outside and blew the previously closed door open. All of the hair on my neck stood up, and Celeste collapsed to the floor.
Half-an-hour later, we were all sitting around the dining room table. These are our notes from that encounter:

ABURIEL- He who leads them
AREFIEL- He who brings healing
SAMARIEL- He who is the Warrior Spirit
ANURIEL- He who brings renewal
LAURIEL- She who is gentleness and wisdom
(spelling may not be 100%. Ex: "iel" may be "ael")

"These are not our true names, but names which you can understand"

"Do not doubt"

What you believe to be your imagination is The Spirit speaking to you, through you."

Do not be afraid to speak the words in your mind aloud."

The Truth is more beautiful than you can ever imagine."

At Celeste: "Why do you cry? You cannot imagine the tremendous peace he has found not the tremendous love he has for you." Speaking of her father who had passed in 2007.


AMAT UHUR ARA KI

AVA BENDU SHALA
AHAREME'

After this first night, the presences stayed around for the proscribed week. We went camping that weekend, and they attended us even there. It was the weekend of the "Super-moon."

"If the Gnostics are right; If God is accessible in whole to everybody, we are all out of jobs." -Early Period Bishop, C. 3rd Century

Promises and Doubt

How can one NOT be excited about the promise of a reward in Heaven?

It seems to me that there are two types of religious fanatics. The ones that are ABSOLUTELY CERTAIN of God and His Reward, and the ones that are SO uncertain that they must put up a front.
I KNOW that God exists. I know that Jesus is the Son of God and the Saviour of Man.
How can I KNOW these things and not shout it from the tops of the tasllest mountains?
Do I still have my doubts? And WHY? HOW?
Given what I have experienced, the dreams that have come to me. HOW CAN I HAVE DOUBT?!?

Your salvation is not a foregone conclusion.

Your salvation is not a foregone conclusion.
I wonder if the downfall of otherwise would-be "good Christians" is in their arrogance of assuming that they; by their deeds, thoughts, and what they believe to be their Faith; are already "saved."
It seems to me that the "fear of God" is not fear of retribution by way of fire & brimstone and pillars of salt, but in living each moment of every day in the knowledge that your salvation is NOT a foregone conclusion.

Another dream I had...

I drempt of Jesus and Raphael. First, Jesus was standing there, bathed in lights. I was washed over with a sense of contented happiness. The Raphael stood to his right. I could feel myself smiling, warm and happy, even in my sleep.
Then I saw a man standing on a rise, clothed and awash in white light. The light seemed to emanate from everything around him. He had long white hair and beard and long white robes with sleeves that emulated angel's wings. His robes were tied with an gold rope.
He was waiving the multitudes around him forward. I realized that this was St. Peter of the Gates. I woke up filled with joy that I might have found that Jesus and Raphael were still with me.

The Path of Right

Man does not need the Devil to make him do bad things. Man is capable of dreaming up an committing horrors that that would give the Devil nightmares. Sure, there might be an antithesis to God that we call "The Devil." If there is, His interest is NOT in the souls of the Evil Man. The Man that caused the Holocost. The Man who slaughtered thousands upon thousand in Rowanda. The Man who betrayed the trust of the Children. He already has those. He is vying for the souls of the Good Man that strays from the Path of Right.
Do what you know is Right. Not The Church's Right. Not your Guru's Right (unless you're Guru is Andy Fedder, then you had better damn well pay attention.) Not your Mom's or your Dad's Right. YOUR RIGHT. You know what it is. You know that sometimes it is hard. But try to stay on the Path of Right anyway. It will serve you well in the end. And for the Love of whatever God you worship, serve, deny, have a passive-aggressive relationship with, whatever... don't do Right for fear of the Devil. Just do Right because it is the Right thing to do.
----------

A rant inspired by an advertisement that I saw on FaceBook about "The Face of the Devil" or some foolishness like that.

Lost my way

I feel as though I have lost my way. Not so much strayed from the path, as missed a turn somewhere.
I thought I felt him the other day while driving, but then the doubt drove the feeling away. Did I miss my calling. my opportunity again? I so wish that I could recover that First Dream. To make sense of what had happened may have helped me see where I was supposed to go. Now I feel as though all of that has slipped away.

Would I be worthy to done the Armor of God and pick up my flaming sword to defend The Gate?

Water- a Haiku

You crash over me
Like water from heaven's hold
And wash my soul clean

Am I moved?

Am I moved? What is it that I want so badly that it makes my heart ache with longing and sorrow?
I took blessing at communion today and now I am struck sorrowful. I do not understand.

A dream I had

As I lay half sick and half asleep in bed, I half pondered my thoughts on Christianity, and indeed Christ himself.

I half prayed in my drowsiness to God for answers to my many unanswerable questions.
Even as my eyes were closed, many images flashed before my mind. Images of cathedrals, crosses, then the face of Jesus, cowled in a hood, but looking down at me so that his face was plain.
This was not the Anglo-Saxon Jesus of western art, but a realistic, Middle-Eastern looking face.
There was an artistic quality to the image, but not one that I can readily associate with any piece of art that I have seen.
As I saw this image, a voice spoke to me. It was a very synthetic (or metallic, like speaking down a tunnel) voice but it spoke encouragingly to me. Even as I was drifting further towards sleep, I tried to focus on what it was saying. The only words I could discern were "...my dear...". The rest was garbled, and I thought at the time; "Is that Aramaic?" Then my years of doubt tumbled in and the image and the voice faded away. I was puzzled and saddened, but then I slept.

He waits...

And so He sits on the Throne of Heaven and waits. Waits for Man to realize his own potential. Waits for Man to stop depending on Him for all of the answers, depending on Him to take them by the hand and guide them, depending on Him for their salvation. It is only when Man realizes that God is within them, that they will realize that God in in the world.

Even the Angels have free will. None will ever again revolt against God for what happened to Sataniel. We all love and serve God, but some serve begrudgingly due to God's elevation of Man above them.

***

We grow weary of the evil in the world and our inability to directly interfere. Just as God rules Heaven and we oversee His dominions, we may no longer intervene. We must move through the strong of heart.

As Lucifer is the overseer of Hell, and the other fallen his Princes, they may not directly interfere. Alas, they have minions who do that. But it is chiefly Man who creates the evil in the world. I do not understand how Man can commit such atrocities that Lucifer, even as Satan or Sammael, could have never dreamt up. The Devil does not need to LEAD Man into temptation. Man does fine on his own.

First Sin

The first sin was not man's disobedience to God. The first sin was Sataniel's rebellion against God.

I do not have FAITH in God

I do not have *faith* in God.
I *BELIEVE* in God.
My experiences with Raphael, my dreams, my visions leave me no choice.

An imperfect Historie...

The Bible is an imperfect history of mankind. A mythology of sorts.
Some of the stories have a basis in historic events and facts, but they are stories, passed down through the generations before being committed to writing.

Again...

West bound on I-285, coming home from work. The usual heavy traffic that is characteristic of Atlanta. I glance in my rearview to see the car behind me as we all crawl towards our various destinations. The hair on the back of my neck stands up, and I glance again. The car has become an emergency vehicle, lights blazing, and siren crying out. The EMSV Passes me on the left. Children's Hospital Critical Transport Unit.
Heavy traffic impeded its path. It will go nowhere fast.
I look back again and am blinded by the golden light coming in from the back of my head.
I see his face looking at me through my own eyes.
The light. The PAIN.
I am pushed froward in my seat as though something was wedged between my shoulders and the drivers seat. Wings.
My arms outstretch. Locked. Pain.
The traffic ahead of me parts like the Red Sea.
My right arm is numb.
The EMSV Makes for the opening, and goes.
Tears and pain.
My exit. Right.
I can see from below that traffic has once again closed up around the vehicle.
The lights go off. The siren is silenced.
The little blonde haired, blue eyed boy in the back didn't make it.
I tried. I can't shake this.

Driving In Between

On a long dark road
Going nowhere in between
Driving by feel
You can't imagine what I've seen

I've seen days like nights
and nights like days
I've seen the sun block out the moon
I've seen falling stars
like fire from Mars
bringing us to our doom

On this long dark road
With nothing in between
I don't know where I'm going
But I do know what I've seen

I've seen gods like devils
and angels like demons
I've seen men nailed to their cross
I've seen fallen saints
and risen sinners
I've seen the found never know their loss

On this long dark road
With no exits in between
No one knows where it goes
But we all know where it's been

A Party, An Unexpected Visitor, and the Beginning of the End

A Party, An Unexpected Visitor, and the Beginning of the End:

The night of the 14th of April 2007... It was in fact, a dark and stormy night.
It was Robin's birthday party. Jimmy and Cindy, Liz and Joe, and various other assorted guests were there. There was much drink to be had.
There was a tension between Jimmy and Cindy, and Jimmy was drinking and smoking to excess, which was not particularly in character for him, though it had been commented upon that Jimmy might be looking for some drama. He would receive it.
At some point, late in the evening, Jimmy started to have an asthma attack. Robin took him out onto the front porch to get some fresh air.
I came out a few minutes later and inquired as to the problem. I was told. Robin had laid Jimmy down on the ground, and was kneeling beside him, laying her hands on him to bring him comfort and healing.
I grounded my left foot, and laid my right hand on her shoulder, drawing up energy to feed her and assist her.
Then the Light came. It crashed into me from behind with the intensity of a freight train. It came through the back of my head, golden and brilliant, blinding and painful. I can remember seeing it behind me, in me, through me, even as my eyes were closed.
What happened in the moments after that, I must rely on the testimony of others. It is said that I reached down and laid my hands on Jimmy and spoke in words unintelligible. His breathing eased, and I got up and walked off into the rain and the dark.
Our front porch was prone to several inches of flooding when it rained, and tonight was no different. As I walked away, I can remember a woman's voice on the porch saying "Oh my God, did you see that? He didn't even touch the water."
When I came to, I was standing behind the apartment, just off the back patio... standing in the rain and lightning and thunder. And stone cold sober.
I went back through the apartment and back out onto the front porch. Jimmy had recovered from his asthma attack, but was now crying, sobbing, with his eyes clenched shut. Robin was furious. "What did you do to him!?!" Between her raving at me, and listening to Jimmy's protestations, I gleaned that since the moment I touched him, his eyes burned with a freezing, blinding light, and he he could hear the sound of feathered wings all around him. "He keeps asking about the Book Aaron! He keeps asking to see the Book! What did you say to him!?! WHAT DID YOU DO!?!"
By this point, Liz and Joe had moved Jimmy to the other side of the porch where he was in less danger of getting wet from the flood waters.
I knelt down beside Jimmy and he was still crying about the freezing, blinding light, and the feathers and the Book. Liz and Joe were on the opposite side of him from me.
Once again, I felt the presence inside of me, though not as intense as before, compelling me to place my hand over his eyes and speak. And once again, words came out that were not my own.
Jimmy cried out and tried to pull away, saying that he didn't want it to go away.
All of this infuriated Joe, and he urged me off of Jimmy, saying that we were not going to do it this way.
I took my hand off of Jimmy's eyes, and he had stopped crying. He opened his bloodshot eyes, looked at me and asked what was going on, what had happened.
At this Robin pulled me away, even as Joe moved between Jimmy and I.

The next thing I remember, Robin and I are in the bedroom. Jimmy has recovered, sobered up a bit, and remembers little or nothing of what happened. She is insisting that I never discuss this with Jimmy. That he was born and raised Catholic, and this would just mess him up. I was trying to make heads or tails out of what had happened. She just keeps saying that it was all because I was drunk. Because we were all drunk.

I had been visited by the Archangel Raphael. Me. I was an unbeliever. I was not a Christian. For most of my life, I was anything BUT a Christian. I grew up spending my summers in a Hindu Ashram. I only went to church when I was with my Grandmothers, or my best friend in grade school. I have been a pagan, a practicing Wiccan; very nearly attaining my Priesthood. I have hunted ghosts and demons. I had been an active Scientologist for over ten years. For everything that I have seen and done, I was not prepared for this. I had believed in angels as supernatural forces. Powerful spirits of the deceased, or creations of God, sent back to watch over us. The concept of Archangels was a fancy. A way to quantify an experience. But now I knew differently.
As the next few days passed, I tried to discuss what had happened with both Robin and Liz. Neither of them would talk to me about it. I needed to know what they had seen, what they had heard, but neither of them would discuss it. That dark cloud that hung over Robin and my relationship began to churn and thicken. It would not be long.

That First Dream _ c. March 2007

Some number of days, weeks or months  around April of 2007.

The darkness swirled about. An infinite darkness. No texture. Not even the illusion of light that one might see when one closes their eyes in the dark.
A woman's voice spoke in the darkness, and asked: "Who are you?"
Another voice, a male voice, calm and patient, the voice replied:
"We have been here since the beginning. We have seen the creation and the fall of Man."
Then a second voice, just a calm, just as patient, the voice spoke:
"It is We that carry out our Fathers word and law, it is We that deliver His justice."
Then a third voice, a bitter sounding voice, this voice that was unknown for certain, spoke, as if addressing the second voice:
"Too long have I lived in the shadow of your light...
"It was not our Father who cast down our brother. When the War began, it was not Him who had to do the dirty work, but US!"
I awoke at the final line, as it was delivered like an iron door being slammed shut. There was more to this conversation, but much it has faded in the time since the dream was dreamed.
It is of great sorrow to me that these things were not made record of at the time.